Part One: English Do Be Like That Sometimes

“I swear to God, I didn’t do it!”

“She has an ace up her sleeve.”

“They want to maintain the status quo.”

Consider the above examples for a moment. I don’t expect that any native speaker would have any difficulty comprehending these simple sentences, but perhaps a brand new learner of the language might scratch their head at them – as you can see, each of them tells an interesting little story about English linguistics.

  • “Swearing to God” in English has become a highly colloquial expression to assert that one is emphatically telling the truth, which naturally comes from the highly privileged role that Christianity has had upon Western, Anglo historical development.
  • “Having an ace up one’s sleeve” is, like almost all English idiomatic expressions, rooted in Anglophone cultural traditions and social facts; in this case, originating from the commonplace pastime of card games and gambling.
  • “Status quo”, while originally a Latin phrase, is now very much a ubiquitous English expression to mean “the present state of affairs”, joining a long list of many other such words and phrases, particularly ones of Latin/Greek/French origin.

My point with this little illustration is that English, like all other languages, self-evidently doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It is instead inextricably bound up within what we might call an “Anglophone cultural framework”, and the historical, cultural, and social traces of this particular framework can be found absolutely everywhere within this language of ours.

Going about our daily lives, I think it’s easy for this aspect of our language to remain largely invisible to us, being something we take completely for granted as a sort of “shared cultural knowledge.” It does not strike us as strange, for example, that even non-religious people regularly exclaim “oh my God” and “speak of the devil”, or that idiomatic allusions to bygone historical institutions like the Age of Sail are commonplace (eg. “all hands on deck”, “running a tight ship”, etc.), or that little bits of foreign languages invariably make their debut in English writing without caveat. English just do be like that sometimes.

Note: The rest of this post contains select samples of text from Senmomo and features extremely general discussion of its themes. It is very much non-spoilery in nature, but you may still consider not reading on if you wish to read Senmomo with as little foreknowledge as possible.

Part Two: Senmomo is a Really Japanese Game

Senmomo is a really, really Japanese game. That is to say, unlike lots of other eroge where the “Japaneseness” of the setting is not especially foregrounded or important, Senmomo’s “definitely-not-Japan” setting is an ineliminably core conceit of the game.

Incidentally, Senmomo doesn’t technically take place in Japan, but instead, an archipelagic island nation named “The Empire”.in an unnamed fantasy world that is for all intents and purposes indistinguishable from modern Earth. The political capital of The Empire is “Tenkyo”, its religious center is “Iseya”, and the text even makes a one-off reference to a sparsely-populated northern region called “Hokkaishu”. The Imperials of the story eat traditional Japanese cuisine, dress in traditional Japanese clothing, practice an animistic religion named “Tento”, engage in traditional Japanese martial arts–yeah, yeah, we get it, it’s basically just “fantasy Japan” in literally everything but name.

What foregrounds the Japaneseness of the setting even more so, is the presence of the nation that exists as the Empire’s principal antagonist and direct counterpart – the Republic, whose parallels to the West and more specifically, America, are no less obvious. The Republic is ostensibly a champion of democracy and liberal values, and their biggest cultural exports are consumption goods like canned coffee and WcDonalds. Republicans wear European-inspired fashion, wage wars with modern firearms, and in a rather on-the-nose historical allegory, start off the story following a conquest and subsequent military occupation of the Empire. A very large part of Senmomo’s story centers around the civilizational struggle between the Empire and the Republic, and a major theme of the text revolves around the profound cultural differences that exist between these two very different cultures.

Indeed, these cultural differences are something that the original text went to considerable lengths to highlight, and are directly reflected in manifold ways throughout the text, often through the use of language itself.

For example, “Western” technologies like tablet computers and televisions are always described circumlocutiously with kanji (携帯端末, 映像筐体, etc.) with their more conventional Japanese names (taburetto, terebi, etc.) displayed only as ruby glosses. Moreover, native residents of the Empire use very little gairaigo, foreign loanwords, in their speech and narration, and many of these katakana-ized loanwords which are commonplace in modern Japanese are explicitly introduced or remarked upon as words that these characters do not understand, often to wonderful comedic effect. Here are some examples of this from the text:


あの後、ソードについて調べたが、なんでも共和国語で刀のことらしい。

I looked it up later, and apparently ≪sword≫ is how they say “blade” in Republican.


「共和国人は、パーティーとかいう宴会が大好きで、一度に沢山の花を注文するんです」

Republicans love having these banquets they call ≪parties≫, and they’ll order a whole bunch of flowers for them.


「あら? お店、通り過ぎて……

「少し流そう」

「共和国では、こういうのをドライブと言うらしい」

Huh? You passed by the shop…

Let’s stay out a little longer.

In the Republic, I hear they call this kind of outing a ≪drive.≫


Conversely, characters from the Republic are coded as “foreign” in their speech and narration through their conspicuous usage of an above-average amount of katakana loanwords, an avoidance of yojijukugo four-character-idioms, and occasional misunderstandings and ignorance of Japanese language folkways (for example, the way that the expression 結構 can be used to either affirm or decline something based on context).

All this is to illustrate that Senmomo is a game that places great importance on language and the cultural context that surrounds it. The conspicuous differences in how “native” Imperial and “foreign” Republican characters use language is a major, foregrounded element of the text, serving as not just a source of comedy, but also as an important site of characterization and a diegetic means to elucidate the sharp differences in values and worldview between the traditional, “Oriental” Empire and the modern, “Occidental” Republic.

Part Three: Intercultural Translational Challenges

You probably see where this is going, right? The task of translating this extremely Japanese setting into English for a Western audience clearly poses some very particular challenges. As discussed previously, a great deal of English words and expressions and idioms don’t merely convey semantic information in a neutral way, but necessarily also embed an Western, Anglophone “cultural framework” that can very easily seem incongruous and out of place in a setting like Senmomo’s. A very non-exhaustive list of potentially problematic language usages include:

  • Allusions to specifically Western institutions. E.g. “Pleading the Fifth”, the crime of “lese-majesty”, terms of art originating from Western philosophy like “the divine right of kings” or “a monopoly on violence”
  • Idiomatic expressions that evoke particularly Western cultural practices. E.g. Idioms relating to The Age of Sail (“all hands on deck”, “taking a different tack”), gambling (“hitting the jackpot”, “doubling down”), sports (“a false start”, “moving the goalposts”, etc.)
  • Allusions and references to Western religious beliefs and practices. E.g. “to bear one’s cross”, “to say one’s prayers”, “to be a Good Samaritan”, mentions of uniquely Christian theological concepts such as God, the devil, angels, heaven, etc.
  • Expressions that have unique historical, political, or social currency. E.g. “Winter of Discontent”, “War on Terror”, “she’s no Einstein”, genericized Western brand names (Kleenex for facial tissues, Band-Aid for adhesive bandages, Thermos for insulated beverage containers, Sellotape for clear adhesive tape, etc.)
  • Word choices that strongly evoke English’s Greco-Roman influences (septentrional, ecclesiastic, etc.) or direct loan words that have become accepted as commonplace English words (raison d’etre, fait accompli, vis a vis, ex ante, de facto, etc.)
  • Turns of phrase that are distinctly cultural and/or regional. E.g. the metaphorical use of Western units of measurement (to inch closer, to be miles away), expressions that are very recognizably American or British in origin, or just feel very Anglophone in character (“good enough for government work”, “give it the old college try”, etc.)

In some respects, this is an issue ubiquitous to all Japanese to English translations! Most Japanese media is set in Japan and features Japanese characters, so any translation of such a work into English absolutely needs to be mindful about the unintentional imposition of a Western cultural framework with respect to its choice of language. Honestly, I feel like most translations, at least in the otaku sphere, tend to not be especially cognizant of this consideration, although of course, it’s always a delicate balancing act between many other tradeoffs. Here are a few interesting examples of this from a few games I’ve read recently:


Naturally, Amatsutsumi, a game centered around the Japanese concept of kotodama, the mysticism of words and their power, would contain a number of fascinating lexical and cultural challenges when translated into English. Here, the scene features Kokoro using a large number of “modern Japanese” gairaigo loanwords in her speech like ァ (sofa), ー (privacy), and ス (share-house) which are words that are not in the protagonist Makoto’s lexicon due to his extremely traditional and isolated upbringing. Though I felt like the translation of this game was generally very competent and pleasurable to read, I don’t think it does especially effective job solving this particular puzzle and capturing the sense of the Japanese. It doesn’t seem at all credible that any English speaker, even if they had an extremely outdated and archaic lexicon, would fail to understand any of Kokoro’s words. Even though words like “privacy” and “shared-space apartment”  effectively capture the semantic meaning of ー and シェアハウス, they fail to reflect the unique cultural fact that these words are modern, postwar introductions to the Japanese lexicon, something crucial to the sense of this scene. 


This line from Golden Time is such a fascinating little piece of cultural domestication with super interesting implications! The original line contains the term 簀巻き, an archaic term referencing a traditional form of execution involving rolling a victim into a bamboo mat and throwing them into a body of water. Not unreasonably, the translation opts to eschew a literal translation (likely for word economy reasons) and instead opts to render this as “concrete shoes”, a remarkably serendipitous parallel to a strikingly similar execution method in English – the sort of resourceful, lateral-thinking-required take that one should usually be proud of! However, this act of cultural domestication ends up having some really fascinating and likely unintended consequences. In my mind at least, the concept of “concrete/cement shoes”, despite its obvious parallels with 簀巻き, carries with it a tremendous amount of unique cultural associations, being an expression that feels (1) distinctly and uniquely American and (2) inextricably linked to organized crime and the underworld. Naturally, the original phrase of 簀巻き had none of these specific associations, but rather carries the sense of a collective, community-based lynching for moral transgressions. Hence, it strikes me as slightly (but not excessively) incongruous that a character like Mina, a high-class and sheltered European princess, would have a word like this in her lexicon (is she the type to watch many American gangster flicks?) or that she would so flippantly analogize the actions of her bodyguards to that of the Mafia. I doubt that I would have ultimately opted for a different rendering of this line, cement shoes really does just line up too well, but I do think that it’s important to be mindful of the implications of cultural domestication such as this.


Admittedly though, for most works, the Japaneseness of its setting tends to not be as foregrounded as strongly as a historical fantasy like Senmomo, and so, a reader is probably much more willing to suspend their disbelief when a particularly “Western-cultural” expression or idiom shows up in a translation – it doesn’t strike me as incongruous, for example, to translate a modern Japanese speaker’s (secular!) expression of surprise as “Oh my God!” in English. In Senmomo’s case however, the cultural differences between the Empire (Japan) and the Republic (the West) are brought into sharp relief by the source text itself, so we felt like it would be especially jarring for avowedly Imperial characters to be using noticeably incongruous language; whether its invoking the (Judeo-Christian) God in epithets, using idioms that are commonplace in English but would be out of character given the Japanese setting, or opting for word choices that challenge this delicate suspension of disbelief.

Of course, the specifics of the text in Senmomo itself further complicates this issue even further. Besides the “obvious” examples of problematic language use outlined above, Senmomo also introduces lots of its own, largely arbitrary issues and constraints! As shown in the above example, the protagonist Soujin presents the (completely unremarkable in English) word and concept of going for a ≪drive≫ as a strange, foreign curiosity. If we were to suspend our disbelief and inhibit the interiority of a character for whom this is true, doesn’t it follow that they would also be unlikely to use the word “drive” in non-literal, metaphorical contexts as well (i.e. “having a drive for success”)? Presumably this also extends towards a broader indifference for and ignorance of the highly Western “cultural framework” of an automotive-centric society; and so doesn’t that mean all motor vehicle-related metaphors like “spinning one’s wheels” or “in the driver’s seat” or “an engine for growth” are also off the table? Similarly, if the word ≪party≫ (to refer to a social gathering) is a foreign word that isn’t in the character’s vocabularies, then wouldn’t it be strange for them to use the word “party” in all its other meanings (“toeing the party line”, “gathering the party”, “a party to the negotiations”, etc.)? These are just two examples of many, by the way, there’s plenty more of these sort of issues where that came from!

At this point, an apparently reasonable objection might be something like “why does any of this even matter; surely the source text didn’t have these sort of incongruities that contradict the setting like nautical or gambling or automotive idioms, so why can’t you just literally translate what it says and avoid any of these issues?”

Obviously this is a fairly naïve objection, one that anyone with a meaningful understanding of how translation works can see through, but I do want to spend some time unpacking it all the same – there’s first the “obvious” response, but also the much more “interesting” one.

I think this should be fairly obvious, but correspondences and equivalencies between languages are rarely so simple or straightforward. Consider the Japanese phrase 朝飯前, for example, which literally translates to “[to be done] before breakfast” but actually means “[to be] extremely easy.” Obviously, a word-for-word rendition of this phrase is usually intolerable, because the output would be complete nonsense in English, and so, an equivalency that captures the “sense” is required. The common English expressions that come to mind as very close equivalencies might be something like “[to be] easy as pie” or “[a] piece of cake”, right? But! Notice how both of these expressions reference extremely Western-cultural foods! For an extremely Japanese setting like Senmomo, where the characters are only accustomed to eating wagashi, and would view “Western” desserts like cake or pie as, at best, exotic foreign curiosities, it seems somewhat strange for them to suddenly start using expressions like “that was a piece of cake”, right? There are just lots and lots of Japanese words and phrases for which the best equivalencies runs into issues like this; as another example, the best equivalency for 存在意義 is certainly the phrase “raison d’etre”, but this phrase, despite having long been assimilated as an “English” word that is universally understood by English speakers, still looks and sounds conspicuously French, and therefore in my mind, would likewise seem extremely out of place for the characters in Senmomo to use!

An even bigger problem, though, is that even if it were possible, omitting any sort of language use that carries the baggage of a “Western cultural framework” unavoidably impoverishes one’s English writing to an intolerable degree. I hope at the very least, that all the above examples have shown just how commonplace and “invisible” the cultural framework of language really is. Even to avoid merely the most obvious and extreme instances of this still precludes a very considerable range of English expression. A group of synonyms like “class”, “standard”, “quality”, “distinction”, and “caliber” each have unique and subtle differences in sense, and each of them might prove to be le mot juste for a particular situation where other words might not suffice.

However… the word “caliber” derives its figurative meaning from the measurement of a bore of a firearm, and so, wouldn’t it be rather out of place for an extremely traditional, sword-wielding warrior like Soujin to be using this word? As you can see, this very quickly ends up being a considerable restriction on the amount of tools available in your toolbox as a translator! This is especially true for idioms, turns of phrase, and set expressions, for which there are rarely adequate alternatives – “doubling down”, for example, is an immensely useful expression, capturing all the nuance of “a stubborn re-commitment to a current, likely dubious or risky, course of action” and it happens to be a wonderful equivalency for a phrase like 漱石枕流. But, it likewise inextricably embeds this “cultural framework” of the particularly Western institution of casino gambling, which again, perhaps feels somewhat out of place in a setting like Senmomo?

Now of course, it is by no means impossible to “take the easy route”, to exclusively opt for the most straightforward and literal renderings possible, and to always reach for simplistic paraphrases instead of compelling equivalencies. But to always simply render 朝飯前 as “extremely easy”, 存在意義 as “the meaning of one’s existence”, and to apply such a philosophy across an entire text would clearly result in an extremely flattened script that erases all of the richness of the source text. It would necessarily entail extensive erasure of all the idiomatic language of the original text, generic paraphrase of otherwise colourful turns of phrase, and so on, all without any compensation in your English script! The output might be accurate and readable, but it would be a pale shadow of the original text, and a very poor translation indeed.

Ronald Knox, in his book Trials of a Translator makes this extremely insightful argument that “It is relatively easy to notice when to avoid a foreignism but harder to notice the ‘negative effect’ produced by the absence of English mannerisms.” But I think this “negative effect”, though hard to explicitly notice, is still very subtly impactful when applied across the totality of a text. It results in a very lifeless and translationese output, one that is notionally accurate, but doesn’t sound like quality, natural English at all – because obviously, good, natural English writing and dialogue make copious and artful use of the aforementioned “English mannerisms”! A target text that is wholly absent these mannerisms, while still nominally readable, lacks the dynamism and smoothness that genuinely good English writing commands, and invariably ends up reading like something that is obviously a (mediocre) translation. We should be striving to do better than that.

Thus, this is the real challenge; the fine balance that needs to be struck. On one hand, we need to preserve the integrity of the setting, to uphold the worldbuilding and cultural distinctions that the source text takes great pride in establishing, and to maintain the suspension of disbelief that these characters really are authentic inhabitants of the world of Senmomo; characters who are highly “culturally Japanese” and insulated from Western cultural folkways. On the other hand, however, we also need to preserve the integrity of the writing, to deliver not merely readable, but compelling and pleasurable English narration and dialogue that is naturalistic and actually sounds like believable English, and to uphold the suspension of disbelief that this could have even been a text written originally in English! …A piece of cake, right~?

Part Four: What Is To Be Done?

 

By the way, if you’re wondering how this works the other way around in English to Japanese translation, I’m at least pleased to report that it’s every bit as much of a problem for them as well! This is a passage from Nohara’s Translating Popular Fiction: Embracing Otherness in Japanese Translations that showcases similar such challenges, with an example from Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu’s Squire Toby’s Will and a corresponding Japanese translation:


“It’s not a great deal, Cooper, but it troubles me, and I would not tell it to the parson nor the doctor.”

“He was a good man, sir, in his way,” repeated old Cooper, returning his gaze with awe. “He was a good master to me, and a good father to you, and I hope he’s happy. May God rest him!”

「たいしたことではないのだが、そ れが気がかりになっているのに、 牧師にも医者にも話す気になれな い。」

「ご先代もあの方なりに良い方でご ざいました。わたしには良いご主人 でしたし、旦那さまにも良いお父さ までしたよ。きっとご成仏なさって 居られましょう。ご冥福を」


Charles is terrified that his brother and father, who are both dead, have placed a curse on him because of their past rows. In the TT, there are two religious modifications: gojōbutsunasatte [entering Nirvana] and gomēfuku o [wishing for the repose of his soul]. Both of the ST expressions, “I hope he’s happy (in heaven)” and “May God rest him”, obviously have Christian beliefs as their background, so the translator has substituted Buddhist expressions for them. It should be noted that the word “parson” is used a few lines earlier in the ST and has been allocated the semantically and culturally straightforward translation bokushi [clergyman] – not an ambiguous, neutralising term like bōzu [priest]. It is absolutely impossible to interpret the term bokushi as meaning anything other than a Christian clergyman. Thus, items of both Christian and Buddhist language are embedded in a single literary setting. This imparts a peculiar sense of incongruity and of cultural mixture to the discourse.


Ehehee~ Isn’t it at least comforting to know that we aren’t the only ones struggling with this stuff? As Nohara remarks very eloquently though, the effect of this intermixing of cultural atmospheres really does contribute to a “peculiar sense of incongruity”, one that is certainly unavoidable to some extent, and likely overlooked or tolerated by almost all readers, but still, something that is probably best to minimize, especially when the integrity of the story’s setting is very important.

So then, what did we do about this issue throughout Senmomo? First and foremost, as can be seen in the examples in Part Two, we elected to mark “words that are explicitly introduced as foreign” in angle brackets, as with ≪sword≫ or ≪party≫ or ≪drive≫. If we were translating into any other language, this wouldn’t even be an issue, since all of these words are explicitly English loanwords and we could simply render them as such. However, because our target language is also English, it would obviously introduce incongruities if, say, Soujin inexplicably didn’t understand what the word ≪sword≫ means only when framed in angle brackets, but then went on to casually narrate cutting down enemies with his sword a couple of lines later.

The solution that Dubs first decided to opt for and I elected to preserve is the rather radical option of never using any of these “canonically foreign” words in all of the Imperial characters’ dialogue and narration. Hence, the only occasions where words like sword, and party, and drive, but also words like surprise and hurry appear are (1) in the narration of Republican characters, and (2) when spoken aloud and recognized specifically as unfamiliar, foreign words. This was, er… really not easy! Having a side-constraint of two-dozen-plus “banned words” that we have to categorically avoid using, (including one extremely common and completely irreplaceable English word that appears in a stupid-ass gag in Chapter 5!) ended up being a considerable challenge to write around, but I do think the effect ends up being quite nice and flavourful! In particular, the conspicuous omission of the word sword and use of alternatives like blade instead ended up being a device I felt really contributes to the flavour of the setting.

This conceit even enabled some nice bits of compensation not present in the original text – as mentioned before, it perhaps seems out of place for Soujin to use “driving-related metaphors” like “being in the driver’s seat” if the word ≪drive≫ is not a regular part of his vocabulary, and so, we refrained from using any form of figurative language that references modern, Western technology like firearms or cars in his narration. However, for Republican characters, this would clearly not be the case; they likely would freely make use of these “banned words” and all the metaphorical language associated with them, which we made sure to make liberal use of in their narration. I think the cumulative effect of this is to hopefully capture a distinctness in the narration of Imperial and Republican characters, one that reflects their civilizational and worldview differences. A few examples of this in action:


混乱の引き金が引かれた。 And thus the trigger for chaos is pulled. And thus the arrow of pandemonium is loosed.

This is Soujin’s narration, and hence, I felt that it much more flavourful and in-line with the setting for him to be using a metaphorical expression that references a traditional martial arts weapon of a bow rather than a firearm.


今更、信頼も何もない。 Trust isn’t part of the equation. Trust never needed to be part of the equation in the first place.
翡翠帝がこちらに背かぬようコントロールできればそれでいい。 All I need to do is control Empress Hisui so she doesn’t turn against me. I just need to stay in the driver’s seat and make sure she doesn’t turn against me.
「あなたを信じたいのは山々だけれど、どうしても躊躇いがあるの」 「I’d love nothing more than to trust you, but I can’t help but hesitate.」 「I’d love nothing more than to trust you again, but you can probably understand why I’m rather hesitant…」

Here, we instead see Elsa, a native of the Republic’s narration. Note the conspicuous use of the “foreign” katakana verb コントロール, which I opted to compensate for with “in the driver’s seat”, a piece of vocabulary that as mentioned above, is notably absent from all the Imperial characters’ diction.

「ふふふ、今頃慌てても、もう遅いですよ」 「Heh heh heh. Panic all you want, but it’s already too late.」 「Heheheh. Panic all you want, but it’s already too late.」
「私の用意周到さに、恐れおののくと良いと思います。じゃじゃん」 「Cower in fear at the thoroughness of my preparations. Ta-da!」 「Cower in fear at the extent of my mighty preparations! Ta-da!」
古杜音が鞄の中から紙切れを出した。 Kotone takes a scrap of paper out of her bag. Kotone withdraws a scrap of paper from her bag.
「何これ? 屋上観覧席『松』、千五百圓?」 「What’s this? “Rooftop seating ticket (front row), 1500 yen?”」 「What’s this? “Rooftop Viewing Ticket (Front Row), 1500 Yen?”」
「これさえあれば、屋上から翡翠帝を悠々拝見できるのですっ」 「With this bad boy, you can admire Empress Hisui from the rooftop at your leisure!」 「With this bad boy, one may admire Empress Hisui from the rooftop at one’s leisure!」
「ふっ」 「Hup!」 「Hup!」
滸の腕が<R はし>疾</R>った。 Hotori’s arm flies. Hotori’s arm flashes through the air.
「あ、あれ?」 「H-Huh?」 「H-Huh?」
屋上観覧席『松』が、パラパラと紙片になって風に飛んだ。 The rooftop seating ticket (front row) is reduced to tiny pieces floating on the breeze. The Rooftop Viewing Ticket (Front Row) is reduced to tiny scraps drifting on the breeze.

One of many interesting pieces of cultural translation to negotiate in Senmomo, which I thought my translator absolutely nails! Here, the original Japanese features 松竹梅, a three-tiered system used to sort substitutable goods (like seating tickets) in terms of quality. It is an interesting little piece of cultural trivia, but not something that we felt was at all essential to the scene in question, and we think that the rendering of “(Front Row)” captures the sense in an unobtrusive and elegant way.


On the topic of lexical challenges however, another very common issue we encounter is the role that non-English loanwords play in our language. Our shared intuition is that words with Old English roots almost universally have a neutral, unnoticeable effect on the text, but recognizably French, Latin, or Greek words and expressions have a subtly damaging effect on the integrity of Senmomo’s setting. That is to say, would it not come across as fairly strange for a very “traditionally Japanese” character like Soujin in a very “traditionally Japanese” setting like Senmomo’s to make use of expressions like “raison d’etre” or “ad hominem” in his speech or narration?

The problem, however, is that many of these words are extremely irreplaceable and useful for English expression, with few if any reasonable alternatives! Unfortunately, I don’t feel like there is any one definitive “solution” to this, and as with almost everything else in translation, it ends up being a matter of evaluating competing tradeoffs. Obviously it’s completely untenable to avoid using any words that have even a whiff of foreignness to them, but likewise, some words are so intolerably immersion-breaking that no matter how much it captures the sense of the original text, they can’t be justified. What is the value of using this particular word or phrase in terms of “aptness” in capturing the sense of the source text? How much unique “literary value” does it contribute compared to lesser alternatives? How much would the presence of this word or phrase genuinely damage the “integrity” of the setting? None of these questions have very obvious answers, and negotiating the tradeoffs between them is very much an intuitive, feelings-based sort of endeavor.

An observation I’d make, though, is that in my experience, “how foreign a word feels” is somewhat distinct from its objective etymological origins. For example, words like surrender or genre or chauffeur are notionally foreign words of French origin, but they’ve been so thoroughly domesticated into becoming “English” words that I don’t feel like there’s any issue with using them, even in a text like Senmomo. Conversely, however, words like laissez-faire or avant-garde likely come across as too incongruously French to ever justify their inclusion in Senmomo. Very conspicuously Greco-Roman words like septentrional or hyperborean are probably out of bounds, but something like brumal or gelid seems safe enough? At the end of the day, it very much is just a matter of subjective intuitions and sensibilities, and unsurprisingly, Dubs and I occasionally disagree about how “foreign” and thereby, permissible, certain words are. For example, I personally thought that the phrase “I bid you adieu” was sufficiently domesticated into English that it would be suitable as a posh, slightly pretentious farewell for high-class members of the Republic’s gentry to use with each other, but to Dubsy’s ears, this phrase seemed still too “French” and out of character for the (ostensibly American) Republicans to use, and so after much deliberation, we ended up omitting it. Generally speaking, I feel like we were fairly judicious with excluding any sort of language that sticks out as being at odds with the traditional Japanese setting of Senmomo, but there are certainly instances where we felt that the improvement to fidelity to the source text or literary value contributed by certain words justified their “tax” on the integrity of the setting.

One area that was particularly challenging in terms of this lexical negotiation ended up being specifically words relating to religion. Unfortunately, almost the entire lexical inventory available in English for describing religious institutions are heavily influenced by Christianity and rely on manifestly Greco-Roman vocabulary. Themes of religiosity are very prominent in Senmomo, and words like 巫女 or 神殿 or 神職 appear extremely often. These terms are not notionally difficult to translate per se; priestess, temple, and priesthood are very close equivalencies, but the problem comes from the fact that these words in English unavoidably carry with them implicit associations with Christianity, whereas the original terms are likewise inextricably bound up in the Japanese cultural framework of Shinto and Buddhism. We considered many different alternatives; rendering 巫女 as “shrine maiden” or simply “miko”, for example, but found that these solutions carried with them much bigger issues. Ultimately, after much consideration, we felt that even though titles like “Your Eminence”, descriptors like “the hieratic order”, and verbs like “to ordain” embed rather unfortunate associations with Christianity that perhaps feel slightly out of place in a notably Japanese setting, they still capture the particularly solemn and stately “cultural atmosphere” associated with religiosity that best reflects the sense of phrases like 神殿組織 or 要職に任命. I’ll leave off with one final sample passage from our translation; as you’ll notice, there are indeed many words that contribute to the “instability” of the setting like “anoint”, “priesthood”, and “quietus”, and much like Nohara’s E>J example, there is an inescapable sense of incongruity with the intermixing of Christian and Shinto (or rather, Tento) atmospherics, but I believe that our rendering still ultimately does a very fine job of capturing the “sense” and “feel” of the original Japanese all the same.

林立する朱塗りの柱の間を、幽玄な香が漂う。 A mysterious and profound aroma wafts from between the vermillion-painted pillars. An airy and ethereal aroma gently wafts betwixt the grove of vermilion-lacquered pillars.
外光が切り出す陰影が、この空間が積み重ねてきた時間を隠微に囁く。 The shadows excised by the outside light whisper abstrusely of the time accumulated in this place. The long shadows cast by the outside light whisper of accumulated eons of yore.
欄間の鳳凰と目が合った気がして、呼び出しを受けた巫女は、<R うずくま>蹲</R>った身体をより小さく凝り固めた。 Feeling like she’s made eye contact with a transom phoenix, the summoned priestess stiffens her cowering body even further. Having come face-to-face with this majestic phoenix perched in her parapet, the summoned priestess cowers even further into herself.
玉座にあるは翡翠帝である。 Empress Hisui is on the throne. Empress Hisui sits on her throne.
水仙を思わせる可憐な姿に、同年代の巫女は深い感銘を受ける。 Her lovely figure, evocative of daffodils, leaves a deep impression on the priestess, even though they are of the same generation. Her regal figure, lovely as a daffodil, leaves a deep impression on the priestess, even though they are of a similar age.
──かの方こそ、日々祈りを捧げる《大御神》の血を引く存在なのだ。 ─This individual truly bears the blood of Oomikami, the god to whom she prays every day. ─This personage truly bears the blood of Oomikami, the deity to whom she dedicates her every prayer.
「<R しいのはことね>椎葉古杜音</R>、あなたを第百九十二代・<R いつきのみこ>斎巫女</R>に任じます」 「Shiinoha Kotone, I hereby appoint you 192nd Exalt-Priestess.」 「Shiinoha Kotone, I hereby anoint you as this Empire’s 192nd Exalt-Priestess.」
「斎巫女は、呪術の根源を司る国家の要職です」 「The station of Exalt-Priestess is of great national importance, for she must govern the root of magic.」 「The station of Exalt-Priestess is of paramount national importance, for she holds dominion over the very essence of magicks.」
「重圧はいかばかりかと思いますが、体を大事に忠勤を尽くすことを願います」 「The pressure will surely be great, but I pray that you will remain in good health and offer faithful service.」 「You shall surely be met with many adversities to come, but I pray that you might remain in good health and render most faithful service.」
居並ぶ大臣の中から、宰相・小此木時彦が進み出た。 Prime Minister Okonogi Tokihiko steps forward from the line of cabinet ministers. Chancellor Okonogi Tokihiko steps forward from the long line of ministers.
無言のまま、古杜音に向け、任命状を差し出す。 Without a word, he faces Kotone and holds out her letter of appointment. He faces towards Kotone and wordlessly holds out a letter of appointment.
「慎んで拝命いたします」 「I humbly accept my position.」 「I humbly accept this station.」
古杜音が深々と頭を下げる。 Kotone bows deeply. Kotone bows deeply.
斎巫女は、女性の神職である巫女、男性の神職である禰宜、合わせて約五千の神職を総べる存在である。 The Exalt-Priestess commands the approximately five thousand-strong clergy consisting of male and female practitioners alike. The Exalt-Priestess is the head of the priesthood, chiefest among all five thousand of its priests and priestesses.
そもそも神職とは、《大御神》やその祖先神を信仰の対象とする《天道》の司祭だ。 In the first place, the clergy are ministers of Tentou, which sees Oomikami and His progenitor gods as objects of worship. In the first place, the priesthood are practitioners of the Tento faith, which exalts Oomikami and His progenitor gods as objects of worship.
厳しい修行により呪術を身につけ、古来より武人と共に皇国の防衛に深く関わってきた。 They learn magic through strict training, and they have worked closely with the warriors in the Empire’s defense since ancient times. They learn magicks through rigorous training, and they have worked closely with warriors in service of the Empire’s defense since ancient times.
また、一般の国民にとっての神職は、人間の生と死を司る存在でもある。 Furthermore, to the average citizen, the clergy command human life and death. Moreover, to the general public, they hold powers over life and death itself.
誕生、成長、病、死── Birth, growth, disease, death─ Be it childbirth, coming-of-age, malady, or quietus─
人生の折々の機会に、人々は神殿に通い神職の祈りを求める。 On various occasions throughout their lives, the people visit temples and seek prayers from the clergy there. On all occasions of great import, the common people flock to the temple in search of prayers.

If you’ve read all this way, then you have my great appreciation for indulging my rambling about some of the unique translational challenges associated with Senmomo! I certainly look forward to hearing any thoughts you might have about this topic I personally find extremely fascinating, and I look forward to continuing what Dub’s started in posting more chats about translation, with more of an emphasis on praxis rather than theory. Until next time then~

In my last post, I made the foolish mistake of typing my own thoughts instead of copy/pasting Rubin’s, so I’m gonna go back to letting him write my posts for me with this really funny passage:

 

As usual, official policies of the United States toward Japan are totally misdirected. Instead of pressuring the Japanese into lowering trade barriers or taking a greater share of the responsibility for their own defense, we should be urging them to bring their verbs from the ends of their sentences into second place, right after their subjects, where they belong. Unless we accomplish this, the rest of our foreign policy is so much tofu.

 

If you think you have trouble with Japanese verbs being withheld from you until you get through all the intervening time expressions and modifying clauses and whatever else the writer decides to put in your way, don’t worry: the Japanese have the same problem themselves. They know their language works backwards, but they persist in keeping it that way as a matter of national pride.

 

Of course, some writers, such as Kabuki playwrights, have capitalized on the perverse placement of the verb at the end. The theater is charged with suspense as the retainer, center stage, slowly, tantalizingly intones the lines, “As to the question…of whether or not this severed head…is the head of my liege lord, the mighty general Kajimura Saburō Mitsumaru…known throughout the land for his brilliant military exploits…beloved by the people of his domain for his benevolence towards even the lowliest farmer…I can say, here and now, without a single doubt clouding my mind… that although the throngs gathered here before us may wish the truth to be otherwise…and the happiness of his entire family hangs in the balance…this my master’s head…is… NOT!” (p. 102)

Another thing Japanese is famous for is having the verb at the end of the sentence. This can produce some annoying problems when translating, such as the one Rubin so humorously put forth above. However, in this chapter, he notes how the Japanese hate this bullshit too, and thus have “signal words” to put at the beginning of a sentence to telegraph what’s coming, such as moshi to precipitate a conditional or maru de to precipitate a simile.

 

Ultimately, he only makes mention of these crutches for understanding and gives no further treatment to instances where the crutches are not there—after all, this isn’t a book about translation. As usual, we’re on our own to figure out what to do when a character holds the verb tantalizingly outside our reach.

 

But this next thing is what I really want to talk about in this post:

 

I often warn my literature students, especially those whose language skills have reached the stage where they can handle new texts with some degree of independence, that, as they read, they should try to maintain a distinction between literary pleasure afforded by the work itself and what might be called “linguistic pleasure” stimulated by the sheer satisfaction of making their way successfully through an orthographical garden, the gathering of whose fruits is only becoming possible for them after years of disciplined study. For the fact is that Japanese, especially for those of us who have learned to read it after childhood, never loses its exotic appeal; each page turned reveals to the eye a new spectacle of outlandish squiggles that momentarily takes the breath away. And written in those squiggles or spoken by the people who were raised in the language are equally outlandish syntactic structures—not only passives but causatives and passive-causatives and te-forms with oku’s attached or morau’s and itadaku’s and zu’s that make our minds work in ways that can never be conveyed to those who do not know the language. There is a thrill in realizing that you can process this stuff with your very own brain. I have long been convinced that, as we speak—but especially as we read this foreign tongue—just beneath the threshold of consciousness, a voice continually shouts, “Look, Mom, I’m reading Japanese!” (p. 106)

This is something big we really need to be conscious of. Too many times, Japanese speakers will lord their ability over English speakers, saying, “Look what I can do! It’s all so profound and literary! The grass is so much greener on this side of the fence!” But Japanese is just a language. Let me tell you a secret: some of the prose in the untranslated VNs I read is ass. It could be uncreative with its vocabulary or pointlessly wordy, explaining the same damn thing three times in a row—or even picking apart the meaning of what someone just said, as if the reader can’t understand spoken Japanese. Heck, as much as I like the Tsuriotsu series, I’ve often caught it reusing the same sentence structure many times in a row, and not in a way that feels intentional or creates any sort of interesting effect (yes, even considering Japanese’s heightened tolerance for repetition, which I’ll cover in a future post). And if you compare the prose of Eustia to that of Senmomo, the difference is night and day: Eustia’s prose is very matter-of-fact and utilitarian, while Senmomo’s tries to be more flowery and evocative.

 

Many times, I see people blowing Japanese prose out of proportion, saying how impervious it is to translation into our plebeian gaijin language… until exactly that happens, and suddenly the naysayers clam up as we go on with our lives. Let me make this clear: Japanese isn’t “better” than English; it’s just different. As such, it’s ridiculous to look down on someone just because they can’t speak Japanese or harass them to learn it so they can read the “better” version of a game. As Rubin said, Japanese makes your brain work in ways that can’t be explained to people who don’t know the language. That doesn’t mean concepts are incapable of being explained in other ways. I’m sure I don’t have to name names here; you know who you are. Cut that shit out. Next time you’re about to give a TED talk on grorious Nipponese prose that could never be rendered in English (or alternatively, was absolutely butchered in English), ask yourself if you’re not actually saying, “Look, Mom, I’m reading Japanese!”

 

Indeed, it’s like these people are patting themselves on the back for understanding this beautiful yet bullshit language. Heck, maybe I’ve come across that way before. If I ever act like I’m better than you because I understand Japanese and you don’t in a discussion that doesn’t require knowledge of the language, do me a favor and call me out on that shit. I try my best to never unduly put Japanese on a pedestal over English, but sometimes I might express myself poorly, so don’t be afraid to tell me I’m being a dick.

 

Though again, just like with the vagueness thing, Rubin says the Japanese themselves are partially at fault too:

 

And, having struggled year after year to learn the thousands of characters needed to read and write modern literate Japanese, her readers respond with a thrill of satisfaction, and perhaps with their own subliminal shouts: “I understand what this beautiful, brainy woman is telling me! Look, Okaasan, I’m reading Japanese!” (p. 107)

And of course, this is not to say that you should always tune people out when they talk about good Japanese prose. Sometimes they’re right. The differences between the two languages do make each of them better equipped for certain purposes, after all. Judge for yourself how seriously you should take them based on their history and your perception of their knowledge of Japanese, as well as their attitude toward it.

 

You know what? Let’s lighten the mood a little with more of the haha funny man:

 

Now, wouldn’t it be nice if we could say that one type of “to be” in Japanese is aru and the other is orohonpo: no one would ever get them mixed up. Unfortunately, one is aru and the other one often takes the form de aru, the written equivalent of the spoken da or desu… By the way, orohonpo is a real word in the Saga dialect, and it means “I’m not too crazy about it,” which is probably how most students feel about having to keep track of aru and de aru. (pp. 108, 110)

Hee hee! Translator funny!

 

The rest of Rubin’s book is largely serious grammar explanations, along with one very long section where he dissects some long Japanese sentences one word at a time to create an in-depth understanding of their grammar. If you want to see that, read the book yourself. It’s certainly worth your time.

 

This is a bit of a shorter post than usual, but I’ll call it here. Next time is going to be the long-awaited listicle (oh god why isn’t Word giving that a red underline) of words that are a pain in the ass to translate. Lonesome and I have been looking forward to this one.

Okay, screw the usual preamble. Time for some more Rubin. I love this guy so much.

 

The waga chapter is followed by one on the “giving” verbs and all their various uses throughout Japanese grammar. Most of the chapter contains grammatical explanations you can find in most textbooks (though he cites his “zero pronoun” on several occasions), but it starts getting funny when he gets into -sasete itadaku. He opens with an anecdote about a sign he purchased with text he particularly enjoyed:

 

Honjitsu wa yasumasete itadakimasu. Two verbs. No subjects, no objects, no agents, nobody. And the Honjitsu wa tells us only that these two incredible verbs are happening “today.” Despite this, the sentence is both complete and perfectly clear. As the great Zen master Dōgen himself might have translated it, “Gone fishin’.” Is that all it means?! Well no, not literally, but it is just as much of a cliche in its culture as “Gone fishin’” or “Closed for the Day” might be in ours. (p. 60)

After some messy analysis of the relatively convoluted grammar involved, he sums it up with this:

 

Here, the context comes from the real world. The sign hangs in a shop window and the would-be customer finds the place closed, the sign telling him that “(We, the shopkeepers,) humbly receive (from you, the exalted customer,) (your) letting (us) rest today.” This is all phrased in tremendously polite language, but the fact remains that the shop owner is telling the customer that, whatever the customer may think of the matter, the owner is closing the shop for the day. Itadaku is performed by the subject, at his own discretion, and it carries the message “I take it upon myself in all humility to get from you…” It’s like those signs “Thank you for not smoking,” which always impress me as having an underlying growl that makes them even more intimidating than a plain “No Smoking.” (p. 61)

In case you didn’t know, the -sasete itadaku (or morau) construction in Japanese is a roundabout way of saying, “I’ll be taking the liberty of…” Or, more succinctly, “I will…” At the end of the day, this is just a simple fact of Japanese grammar, but its underlying logic is fascinating to English-speaking ears. And Rubin seems to think highly of it:

 

A completely naturalized translation for the sign might simply be “Closed,” though that way we lose the interesting cultural difference. Perhaps “We thank you for allowing us to have the day off” or “We appreciate your permitting us to have the day off” would begin to convey some sense of the respectful tone of the Japanese in natural-sounding English. But make no mistake about it: the owner has gone fishin’. (p. 61)

I think he’s going a bit overboard. This shit is downright mundane in Japanese, and to use one of those long-winded translations he proposes would stick out to the reader. Perhaps if said cultural difference was essential to convey in the situation—I’ve been known to use the aforementioned “take the liberty of” for this construction—but for the most part, I wouldn’t literally translate this construction any more than I would literally translate “It’s raining cats and dogs” into another language.

 

The next chapter is about the passive voice in Japanese, which is less frowned upon than it is in English. In particular, it has a construction often called the suffering passive (which is a bit of a misnomer, since it doesn’t necessarily imply negativity), wherein something that would ordinarily be the subject of a passive verb is now its object, with the new subject being someone affected in some way by this event (and often, of course, represented by the zero pronoun). Again, yet another fascinating aspect of Japanese grammar, and here’s what Rubin has to say about translating it:

 

In translating a sentence like Kaban o nusumareta, don’t resort to something like “The suitcase was stolen and I was distressed.” The suitcase was not passively stolen: the unmentioned “I” was the one passively affected. Much closer to the original would be a “literal” equivalent such as, “I was unfavorably affected by someone’s having stolen the suitcase,” or “I suffered someone’s stealing my suitcase.” These are pretty awkward, of course, and not for consumption beyond the walls of the classroom. Since “I was stolen my suitcase” is probably even worse, you might finally want to go as far as “Oh, no, they stole my suitcase!” or “Damn! The rats took my suitcase!” or any number of other expressions of dismay befitting the overall tone of the translation. (pp. 66-7)

He’s got the right idea here, but you shouldn’t be too strict about following this. Oftentimes, the context will make the effect on the subject perfectly clear, with no need to draw explicit attention to it. After all, if someone says to you, “My suitcase was stolen” or “Someone stole my suitcase,” your immediate reaction is going to be, “Oh, that’s terrible,” not “Hey, good for you!” And if someone’s na wo shirareta as a skilled musician, you’re going to be impressed, not sympathetic. So make direct reference if appropriate; but if you choose not to, do make sure the nuance comes across in some other way.

 

For the next several chapters, Rubin provides more nitty-gritty explanations of grammatical structures like -kara da­ or hodo (in an affirmative sentence), mostly in a matter-of-fact way and largely devoid of humor, so I’ll skip over ‘em. I will, however, copy/paste the entire section on kanji:

 

Kanji are tough. Kanji are challenging. Kanji are mysterious and fun and maddening. Kanji comprise one of the greatest stumbling blocks faced by Westerners who want to become literate in Japanese. But kanji have nothing to do with grammar or sentence structure or thought patterns or the Japanese world view, and they are certainly not the Japanese language. They are just part of the world’s most clunky writing system, and a writing system cannot cause a language to be processed in a different part of the brain any more than it can force it to some other part of the body (excepting, of course, Lower Slobovian, which is processed in the left elbow). George Sansom had the right idea back in the thirties when he noted that the sounds of Japanese, simple and few in number, are very well suited to notation by an alphabet, and it is perhaps one of the tragedies of Oriental history that the Japanese genius did not a thousand years ago rise to its invention. Certainly when one considers the truly appalling system which in the course of the centuries they did evolve, that immense and intricate apparatus of signs for recording a few dozen little syllables, one is inclined to think that the western alphabet is perhaps the greatest triumph of the human mind. To this, I can only add that banana skins provide one of the best surfaces for writing kanji if one is using a ballpoint pen. Since this book is intended to help with an understanding of the Japanese language, it will have nothing further to say about kanji. (pp. 89-90)

Where’s the Duolingo course for Lower Slobovian, huh?

 

And hey, remember Seidensticker? The guy whose rendition of Senba dialect I didn’t like a few posts ago? Get this:

 

Edward Seidensticker is such a magnificent translator of Japanese fiction that I can probably be forgiven for gloating over catching him out at a little flub he made in what happens to be one of his best translations, that of my favorite Kawabata Yasunari novel, The Sound of the Mountain. (p. 97)

Gasp! What did he do? What was his crime? Is Seidensticker actually a hack?!

 

He misunderstood tsumori when it was being used in a way that rarely gets directly explained. Didn’t really change the meaning or impact of the passage, though.

 

Most textbooks will present a verb in the non-past tense followed by tsumori and explain it to mean something along the lines of “[I] intend to…” That is correct. But rarely will you see an explanation for what it means after the past tense. I know I had to pick it up through context.

 

You see, when tsumori follows a verb in the past tense, it carries the meaning of “I am under the belief that I did such-and-such.” It can happen after nouns and adjectives, too. I’ve seen people make this mistake myself, and I find it perplexing that this usage of tsumori is so rarely discussed.

 

But I actually bring this up for a different reason. Oftentimes, you’ll see a Japanese speaker in the VN community point to a translation error and cry, “Look! This translator made a mistake! Rake him over the coals! He doesn’t know the first thing about Japanese! This translation is shit!” But how often is it a significant error? How often is it part of a pattern? If it occurs consistently, and in ways that change the meaning, then yeah, it probably is a shit translation by an incompetent translator (like how Nekopara 1’s translator clearly hadn’t finished learning Japanese grammar, judging by the constant mistakes with causative and passive constructions—at least according to my hazy memories of when it first came out), but if it’s just sporadic and slight misunderstandings? I’d say it then falls into the category of “dumb mistakes,” which I wrote about twenty thousand posts ago. Don’t go roast someone over the fire for the tiniest of infractions—even Rubin considered Seidensticker magnificent, and this book to be his best translation, despite the minor oopsie he committed. Hasegawa actually catches him misidentifying a zero pronoun in another Kawabata work, though to copy/paste that passage would probably be belaboring the point, and he’s certainly not as bad as the rampant translation errors Megan Backus commits in her renditions of Yoshimoto Banana’s works. So don’t jump down a translator’s throat for having a brain fart once in a blue moon.

 

But yeah, no, some translations genuinely are hot garbage.

 

Whew, wasn’t expecting to actually type so much at the end there! Don’t worry, I’ll make up for it next time by copy/pasting lots of Rubin here. We’re nearing the end of his book, but the last few topics are some I really want to make sure I cover. Leave me your feedback, and as always, I’ll see you later.

So far in these posts, I’ve quoted from two textbooks: the Hasegawa and the Wakabayashi. But today I’m going to introduce another book by the name of Making Sense of Japanese: What the Textbooks Don’t Tell You, written by prolific translator Jay Rubin (whose work was actually quoted many times in the Wakabayashi). In this book, he clears up misconceptions about the Japanese language and explains some of the more difficult grammar structures in easy-to-understand ways.

 

Now, if you’re at the level where you actually need his insight, you really shouldn’t be translating anything yet. I certainly wouldn’t be confident in a translation written by someone who still gets confused by -sasete itadaku. But this guy’s really funny, so I wanna show you how witty and yet pointed he can be.

 

His first order of business is to combat this notion that Japanese is some mystical, exotic language shrouded in vagueness:

 

Thus, it would seem, the Japanese sentence is subject more to rules of fragrance than of grammar. It is a delicate blend of incense… Non-Japanese novelists and supermarket encyclopedias are hardly the exclusive source of the idea that Japanese is fundamentally “vague” in contrast to Western languages. Japanese themselves promote the myth, and sometimes with the aid of so venerable a medium of truth as National Public Radio. Once NPR carried an interview with a member of the Tokyo String Quartet… Japanese, he concluded, is vague, while English is more precise. (pp. 14-5)

He goes on to argue that the Tokyo String Quartet had an easier time talking in English not due to any feature of the language, but because they were adopting the cultural norms of English-speaking countries when doing so, since they were in the presence of a non-Japanese, as opposed to the Japanese cultural norms of expressing things indirectly or incompletely. Particularly cutting is this:

 

No, Japanese is not the language of the infinite. Japanese is not even vague. The people of Sony and Nissan and Toyota did not get where they are today by wafting incense back and forth… [W]e must never let its apparent strangeness blind us to the simple fact that Japanese is just another language. And we can increase the precision with which we understand that language if we do away with some of the mystical nonsense that continues to cling to it even in the age of the computer and the electric nose-hair trimmer. (pp. 17-8)

Japanese isn’t any more vague than English; the two languages just stipulate about different things. Yes, English is exacting about singular versus plural while Japanese isn’t, but at the same time, Japanese is exacting about formality while English isn’t. When someone translates an English work into Japanese, they essentially have to invent the characters’ speech registers out of whole cloth, since hardly any such information is encoded in English speech compared to Japanese. The street goes both ways.

 

If you’ll permit another digression, I’d like to again reference Haruhi, which talks about this “vagueness” issue. During the discussion about Tsuruya-san’s second story, the brigade zeroes in on a tara construction that appears to denote a sequence of actions, but might actually be a hypothetical.

 

“Wait a second. Right after she wrote, ‘Is there perhaps any other place you might wish to go, milady?’ Tsuruya-san has something that screws your theory up. ‘Tsukibito-san ga kono joukyou de ittara hiniku ni kikoeru serifu da ne” (p. 222). Isn’t this proof that that line was spoken by the attendant?”

 

Ah, but that’s the very moment her trick came into focus,” said Koizumi, tracing that part of his copy of Episode 2 with his finger. “That sentence is a hypothetical: the grammar is expressing what would have happened if something that didn’t actually happen were to come to pass. If we were to rewrite it more precisely, it would be something like, ‘If the attendant had said that in this situation, it would have come off as ironic.’ That is, the attendant didn’t say it, and wasn’t even present to have the chance. Tsuruya-san intentionally abridged some parts of the situation, and thus created a sentence that doesn’t look like a hypothetical at first blush.”

 

 

I’m not sure I buy it. I feel like you’re pulling a fast one on me. You’re in the Mystery Club, T—is this okay?

 

Hmm, in my estimation… it is something asymptotically close to ‘out,’ but nor is it ‘safe.’”

 

Normal people call that ‘out.’

 

But without missing a beat, Koizumi turned toward T and backed her up. “You think that because you translated it into English as you read it,” he explained. “Tsuruya-san used a vague expression unique to Japanese. Japanese doesn’t distinguish between singular and plural, and even the past and present tenses of verbs can be unclear at times… The key is the ittara. You can read it as shorthand for ‘if the attendant had said it,’ but it can also be taken in the present as ‘saying it.’ She deliberately used informal language to make sure it could be read either way.” (pp. 237-8)

Yeah, as you can see, the Japanese seem proud to push their language as vague. Also, note that I rendered two of Kyon’s three lines without quotation marks. Just to illustrate that thing I mentioned a few posts ago.

 

Anyway, Rubin closes the introduction with a caveat:

 

One of the worst things I see students doing when they start to translate texts is numbering their sentences. They take a perfectly sound paragraph, in which the author is trying to develop a thought, and they surgically slice it up, writing the translation of each sentence separately in their notebooks as if it had no relationship to the others. Especially in a language like Japanese, with its frequently unnamed subjects, it is crucial that you take each sentence within its context. (p. 22)

Please don’t do this. I know that it can be tempting in VNs, with each line in its nice and neat row in your Excel spreadsheet, but don’t take them one at a time. As I’ve alluded to before, treat them all at once as a single translation unit. Would this detail work better at the end of this patch of narration in English? Then put it there. Does this word need extra clarification for an English reader? Throw in an adjective to help you. Don’t be afraid to do some reassembling. Japanese organizes its points differently from how English does.

 

Rubin’s first concrete order of business is to address perhaps the most famous feature of Japanese: the subjectless sentence.

 

The very first time they present an apparently subjectless sentence, all Japanese language textbooks should have large warnings printed in red: You Are Now Entering the Twilight Zone. It is here, more than anywhere else, that the language suddenly begins to melt into that amorphous mass of ceremonial tea and incense and Zen and haiku, where distinctions between self and other, I and Thou, subject and object, disappear in a blinding flash of satori. Now the student sees that the phenomenal world is but an illusion, it is all within you and without you. Absorbed into the great Oneness (or Nothingness; take your pick), we enter into the true Japanese state of mind, and we experience firsthand what makes the language vague.

 

Meanwhile, the Japanese themselves go about their business, commuting and shopping and cooking and raising their kids’ math scores to some of the highest in the world and making super color TVs and cars, using unnamed subjects—and objects and everything else—all over the place, utterly unaware that their language makes it impossible for them to communicate precisely. (p. 25)

He argues in this chapter that every sentence in Japanese does have a subject; it’s just not always explicitly stated. He calls this absent subject the zero pronoun, asserting that it’s no more vague than the English tendency to use pronouns. As long as everyone involved in the conversation involved knows the context, the meaning is perfectly clear. Think about it—I’ve been using he this entire paragraph so far, but you know exactly who I’m talking about because you’ve been following this post. But show this paragraph in isolation to someone else, and they’d never be able to name the man he refers to. The zero pronoun is no different.

 

In the next chapter, he talks about wa and ga, the two postpositions that trip us up the most. They’re like a and the to speakers of languages without articles: no matter how good you get at the language, you’re bound to still mix them up sometimes. The short version is that wa places emphasis on the predicate, while ga places emphasis on the subject.

 

Sure, we have the expression “as for” in English, but sane people use it much more sparingly than do students of Japanese. Take Patrick Henry, for example: “I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!” Now, there’s a man who knew his as-fors! The next time you are tempted to say Watashi wa ikimashita, stop and think about whether you really want to proclaim to the world, “I know not what course others may have taken, but as for me, I went!” Your wa differentiates you as a topic of discussion from other possible topics (“I don’t know about those other guys, but as far as I am concerned…”) and then, after building up this rhetorical head of steam, it blows it all into the rest of the sentence (“Yes, I did it, I went!”). Notice that wa builds suspense, arousing curiosity in the reader or listener about what is to come. If the speaker were to pause at the wa, the listener’s brain would whisper subliminally, “Yes, yes, and then what?” After having differentiated the named topic from implied other potential topics, wa dumps its emphatic load on what comes after it. This makes it very different from ga, which emphasizes what comes before it. (pp. 33-4)

A bit over the top, but you see his point, right? Sometimes, I see a tricky wa translated as as for, and I wonder if the translator just turned his brain off. Since, as Rubin says, we hardly ever use the phrase in natural English. He goes on to explain other uses of wa, and he interrupts his discussion of these particles with this:

 

Even the most accomplished Japanese speaker of English will continue to make mistakes with “the” and “a,” and native users of English will probably always have some degree of difficulty with wa and ga. This is surely one of those intuitive areas of language that can only be fully mastered in early childhood. (p. 37)

As I said above. I’ve seen very proficient English speakers among the Japanese people around me, and even they still have trouble with our dastardly articles. Likewise, I’m sure I’ve fucked up wa and ga, and they’re just not telling me.

 

If you’ve ever studied Japanese, I’m sure you’ve heard the explanation that wa marks the topic of discussion, and ga marks the subject of a verb. The explanation usually continues, “Oh, but the topic usually is the actor on a verb, so wa often marks the subject in effect.”

 

Rubin disagrees. He asserts that wa never, ever, ever marks the subject (or any other grammatical part) of a sentence. All it does is proclaim to the listener, “Hey, the coming discussion is gonna be about this.” Even when it looks like wa is attached to the subject, Rubin argues that the real subject is the zero pronoun. In his words:

 

[I]n Japanese, once you’ve established the topic you are going to be talking about, you can use the Japanese zero pronoun when you give it a verb to perform. And that’s just what is happening in Watashi wa ikimashita. Our old standby “as for” can help clarify this a bit further. “As for me, [I] went.” The “I” is in brackets here because it is present in the Japanese sentence only as an unspoken subject. Watashi is not the subject of ikimashita and is not the subject of the sentence. It is simply the topic of the upcoming discussion. The wa tells us only that the following discussion is going to be about watashi as opposed to other possible people. The subject of the verb ikimashita is not watashi but the silent pronoun that follows it. In other words, when you used to make up sentences with double subjects in the first grade, you were trying, in your childish wisdom, to use wa constructions in English. You could have mastered wa at the age of seven, but that pigheaded Mrs. Hawkins ruined everything! (p. 39)

This is a really interesting take on understanding wa. Obviously I’m not saying this has any place in translation—we should keep translating as we always have—but in terms of conceptualizing the usage of wa, this is a fascinating perspective. Indeed, Rubin acknowledges how well as for actually matches wa, but has this to say:

 

The only problem with “as for” nowadays, as I mentioned earlier, is that we tend to stop interpreting it properly in English when we encounter so many wa’s in Japanese. Understood correctly, “as for” is an excellent device for helping us analyze a Japanese sentence, but when it comes to translating Japanese into real, bearable English, it is usually best disposed of. (p. 42)

As fantastic as as for is at capturing the meaning of wa, it’s also considered way too emphatic in English for most purposes and needs a damn good reason to exist as a translation of wa.

 

I could keep quoting this chapter all day, but that would make this post longer than it already is, so I’ll give you the executive summary. Rubin goes on about waga sentences, which any serious student of Japanese should hopefully have no trouble understanding, and even observes the power of wa in opening a fictional story. Since wa presupposes that the listener knows the thing it marks, it can conjure a sense of familiarity out of thin air. Natsume Souseki’s Mon starts with Sousuke wa sakki kara engawa e zabuton wo mochidashite…, handily translatable as Sousuke had brought a cushion to the porch. You know, Sousuke! That son of a gun we all know and love. With common nouns in English, the word the can have the same effect, e.g. The elevator continued its ascent at an extremely sluggish pace. You know what elevator we’re talking about, right? It’s been here all along, even before you started reading the book. In this way, Rubin draws similarities between waga and thea.

 

Wow. What started out as an excuse to copy/paste funny passages turned into a serious discussion on basic Japanese grammar. I’ll pick up where I left off next time. If you can, I highly encourage reading Rubin yourself, as there’s so much good shit I had to pass up due to space constraints. And if you’re learning Japanese, I hope this gave you new insight. Let me know what you think, and I’ll see you next time.

It’s time to wrap up our discussion of Wakabayashi, at least for now. Just two topics today, but I’m gonna go pretty ham on both. So let’s get started. (In case you couldn’t tell, this is the third part of a series of posts where I go through a textbook and analyze how academia thinks about the various translation problems that frequently crop up in otaku media. I highly recommend reading the other two, as they’re fascinating stuff.)

 

So! I’m sure you’re dying to know what academia thinks of honorifics. Here are a few quotes to sum it up:

 

The romanised suffix -san after names is becoming more familiar to English readers, but it is still not widely understood, and it can be distracting or convey an inappropriately exotic air. The decision on its use will depend on the assumed ‘Japan literacy’ or cosmopolitanism of intended readers and on whether the ‘Japaneseness’ of the text is relevant. If appropriate, a phrase such as with the polite/deferential addition of -san can be inserted. Usually, however, this suffix can be dropped, although with surnames the result might sound misleadingly abrupt or even insulting. (p. 46)

In Japanese, dropping formal suffixes such as さん or using the personal name instead of the surname speaks volumes about the relation between the people concerned. It can be challenging, however, to convey these distinctions in English, where use of just the first name is common (unmarked) and calling someone by their surname can sound insulting. (p. 46)

And most importantly:

 

Depending on the target audience, retention of the suffix is an option. (p. 47)

In other words, the debate about honorifics is no more advanced in academia than it is in the otaku sphere, and there’s no one right answer. It boils down to two considerations: is the Japaneseness of the work important, and is the target audience likely to understand them? The answer to the former question will depend on the work, but the answer to the latter question is a resounding yes most of the time in the VN medium. Even if a reader doesn’t understand honorifics at first, they can pick them up through context, just like actual Japanese people do when learning the language in their formative years. That’s actually a reason my father gave for preferring honorifics in anime subtitles: so he could learn the hard way about how Japanese people refer to each other instead of having the subtle nuance localized out. Is that a good opinion? A bad one? You decide, but I’m at least happy he’s thinking for himself instead of mindlessly accepting whatever’s put in front of him.

 

At first, Lonesome was reluctant to keep honorifics in Senmomo, but he ultimately admitted that they’re necessary. By which I’m guessing he meant he didn’t want to make Kanami stop calling Soujin onii-sama, but hey, I’ll take the victories I can get.

 

Even the Ace Attorney localization lets Prosecutor Blackquill call people -dono, and the recently released The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles has Ryunosuke and Susato use -san with each other. As anime gets more popular in Western countries, its viewers are becoming more and more receptive to Japanese honorifics, just like how Japanese translations of English-language works aren’t afraid to retain English honorifics like Mister. So it’s one thing if you’re translating a Murakami Haruki novel for the masses, but when you’re working on a manga, anime, or game, you have to ask yourself if you’re really gaining anything by cutting honorifics and making life harder on yourself.

 

That doesn’t mean it’s inherently wrong to localize honorifics out. The Danganronpa localization actually did a pretty good job of it. But unless you can do it that consistently well and sidestep all the obvious issues that come with the territory, you’re going to annoy your audience, which knows what’s missing. The easy road works perfectly fine, and often even better than the hard road; you might as well take it.

 

The last stop on the Wakabayashi train is titles.

 

Literal translation of Japanese titles can result in flat, vague, awkward or unenticing English, failing to create a sense of expectation or leading to unwanted associations. For instance, Juliet Winters Carpenter (2007: 14) mentions how she rendered a book titled なぜ生きる as You Were Born for a Reason, to avoid giving “the exact opposite of the message the book is trying to convey” [the literal translation is “Why Live”]. In general, translators have greater latitude with titles than with the body of a text.

I’m sure you’ve seen really creative takes on VN titles in English, and it’s often impressive how a long Japanese title can be rendered in snappy and eloquent English. I particularly liked Nukitashi: I’m a Celibate, Get Me Outta Here! Compare that to a closer translation of the Japanese title, What am I (a flat-chested girl) supposed to do, living on an island straight out of a nukige? RIP in pepperonis, Sol Press. May Nekonyan pick up what you dropped.

 

Here’s the thing, though: titles are supposed to be very short and catchy in English. So why did I go with what I did? Allow me to break it down.

 

First of all, let’s examine the full Japanese title: Sen no Hatou, Tsukisome no Kouki. Well, even a beginning Japanese student can tell you that sen means thousand, so the first part means “a thousand hatous,” whatever that is. Tsukisome is a word made up for the game, built from the kanji for peach, flower, and dye. As the game explains within the first hour, it’s an adjective revolving around peach blossoms. The some in particular suggests color. And Kouki is written with the kanji for emperor and princess, and it means exactly what you’d expect.

 

Both halves of the title are name-dropped within the game, so I immediately decided to retain them both for impact. However, that meant that no matter what I did, the title would be long and unwieldy, so I decided to take a page out of the light novel translation industry’s book and include an abbreviation within the title. Just as much as it loves long titles, Japan loves shortening them to four syllables for ease of pronunciation. The accepted abbreviation for this title is, you guessed it, Senmomo (the momo coming from the peach kanji that’s pronounced differently in the full title). Just as Yen Press decided to include Konosuba as part of that series’ localized title, I decided to include Senmomo as part of this game’s.

 

We’ll start from the second half of the title. It’s no surprise to anybody that this refers to the main heroine, Akari. I immediately ruled out Imperial Princess for being too much of a mouthful, shortening it to just Princess. And by the time I was thinking about the title, I had already translated Tsukisome in-game as Peach-Blossom. Hey, look at that—alliteration! Suddenly, half the title was A Peach-Blossom Princess.

 

One problem: peach is not a very pretty-sounding word. At all. Just listen to that ugly ch sound! Nasty. Thankfully, Lonesome came up with the idea of using part of the scientific name for peaches: Persica. A Persica Princess sounds much nicer and rolls off the tongue much easier. There’s the obvious flaw that the average English reader won’t know what Persica means, but that’s not a problem because the game explains it very early on anyway. (We also briefly considered A Princess in (or of) Persica, but that ran the risk of being misinterpreted as a proper noun, so we decided against it.)

 

Now back to the first half of the title. I glossed over it earlier, but let’s look at Hatou again. It means a stormy sea, but there’s one problem: the actual word uses the kanji for wave for the ha, whereas the game’s title uses the kanji for blade (which can also be read as ha). Awesome! Wordplay right in the title. I had my work cut out for me.

 

However, as Wakabayashi said, I had considerable latitude, even knowing that this phrase appears in the body of the text. It only shows up once, near the very end. Having seen that, I knew that the thousand part wasn’t important. Indeed, in Japanese folklore and mythology, ridiculously large numbers aren’t often used for their literal meaning. Such-and-such god doesn’t have ten thousand arms—just a lot. So my takeaway was that the Sen should be interpreted as providing a sense of grandness, of multitudes, of volume.

 

Having already achieved alliteration in the second half of the title, I wanted to see if I could do the same in the first. Didn’t have to be the same letter—the comma between them provides a good pause to sort of reset the reader’s mind—but it would give a nice sense of rhythm to the title. I wanted to incorporate blade somehow due to how frequently it shows up in the game, and I decided to make it part of a portmanteau to reflect the neologistic nature of Hatou. I considered tide briefly, but I quickly zeroed in on storm, making Bladestorm. Now I just needed a suitable adjective beginning with B.

 

In keeping with my contextual understanding of Sen, I tried to think of words that could be used to show the size or severity of a storm. It didn’t take long for me to land on Billowing, and so I had my full title, Senmomo: A Billowing Bladestorm, A Persica Princess. (This was before Lonesome joined, of course, so at the time it was A Peach-Blossom Princess, but you get the point.) What’s nice is that both halves of the title have the same syllable count. I wasn’t even trying for that.

 

Funnily enough, long after the title was set in stone, Lonesome found scans of an official soundtrack booklet with August’s in-house English translations of some of the track names. One track within the game is called Sen no Hatou, which August rendered as In Billows of Blade, or something like that. By sheer coincidence, I came up with the same word they did!

 

Many titles are easy to translate—heck, some don’t need translating at all. But when you’ve got something as elegant and creative as Senmomo’s Japanese title, you have to go the extra mile, and I’m quite proud of what we have.

 

To finish our odyssey through these four chapters of Wakabayashi’s textbook, allow me to copy/paste a passage from its end:

 

Translating is an intellectual puzzle and a creative challenge, and this chapter has looked at aspects where these elements come to the fore even more than usual. Wordplay, phonological and prosodic effects, mimetic expressions, slogans, titles and headings all present special challenges. Yet they also allow translators to savour the effects of the Japanese text and have fun recreating similar or compensatory effects in English, or even to introduce creative usages where none existed in the Japanese. Depending on the genre, text type (informative, expressive, persuasive), target readership and the translator’s creativity, the elements discussed here lend themselves to taking some poetic licence in producing a text where nothing is ‘lost in translation’ and something might even be gained. (p. 211)

God, I love translation.

 

Holy shit, this turned out a lot longer than I expected. I initially wrote this Wakabayashi journey as a single post, but I went back and split it up into three because of how absurdly long it ended up being. Next time, I’m gonna cool down a bit and talk about a much shorter book by a prolific translator named Jay Rubin. Until then, leave any feedback you have in the usual places. I’ll see you next time!

Howdy, friends. DubstepKazoo is back with the second leg of our journey through the interesting parts of the Wakabayashi. Let’s jump right back into it!

 

The next big thing to discuss is English present in a Japanese text. Unsurprisingly, Wakabayashi has many ideas, and the one you go with largely depends on the purpose of the English within the text. Here’s the one we went with in Senmomo:

 

Mark the non-Japanese expression by italics, underlining, parentheses, quotation marks (‘scare quotes’), angle brackets, uppercase (including all caps), a different typeface, a coloured font, or phonetic or non-standard spelling. (p. 183, emphasis mine)

Katakana English in Japanese can convey anything from trendiness to austerity, but in Senmomo, it is literally English. It’s “the language of the Republic.” It’s in katakana, of course, but characters who use English words are explicitly using words from a different language in their speech. Oftentimes, it’s a word Soujin doesn’t know, so we have to set it apart somehow. We chose the tried-and-true method of angle brackets. There’s actually something else we did, but I think I’ll keep that a secret and see if you can spot it.

 

I will say that we considered replacing the English with another language—such as French—but we quickly abandoned that idea. One, the Republic is very obviously based on the US. It goes on imperialistic conquests, it has a hard-on for freedom, and its most famous restaurant is WcDonald’s. It would be absurd for its language to be anything but English. Two, the reader needs to be able to understand the English involved. I can’t think of a second language that the majority of English readers will be able to recognize. And three, there’s just no language with the same relationship to English as English has to Japanese. It’s that simple.

 

Funnily enough, it’s not just English that this happens to in VNs. As I recently discovered, Tsuriotsu 2 has a handful of lines written in French with the Japanese translation provided as ruby text. My French-speaking compatriots in Operation Bellflower assure me it isn’t shit, though it is missing accent marks and makes a few odd word choices. Truly, I wonder how a hypothetical translation effort might handle that.

 

Wakabayashi also talks about metalinguistic references, such as discourse regarding kanji, and provides several approaches you can probably guess by now (rewriting to English metalinguistic discourse, dodging the issue, keeping the Japanese and adding explanations, and so on). In Senmomo, we do have some proper nouns whose kanji’s meanings are significant. We have our cake and eat it too by including said meanings as ruby text the first time the terms appear, such as sappanwood for Empress Suou or Floral Splendor for Hana Akari. This approach obviously wouldn’t work in a novel, but hey. You better believe we’ll take advantage of the medium.

 

She also has a very long section about wordplay—that thing every translator dreads—and dedicates most of it to categorizing the various types of it. If you want to know what she suggests you do about it, look no further than any translated VN that contains it, as she is of the same mind as us. Interesting to note is that she also proposes just axing the pun if you can get away with it and can’t think of anything else to do with it, perhaps adding your own pun in somewhere else to compensate.

 

The next worthwhile area of discussion is onomatopoeia. In English, onomatopoeia is rather juvenile, and exclusively represents sounds. Not so in Japanese. No, Japanese onomatopoeia can also represent information from other senses (sight and touch, for instance) or even states of mind. They’re more accurately referred to as mimetics, and they can be the bane of my existence at times.

 

If you’re lucky, you can translate them with an English onomatopoeia, a well-chosen verb, or a creative simile or metaphor. If you’re not, things get a lot harder, and Wakabayashi throws a lot of things at the wall in hopes that something will stick. Here’s a very interesting piece of advice she has to offer, though:

 

An acquaintance with English sound symbolism might likewise be helpful—e.g. knowing that fl at the start of a word expresses movement (flee, flutter), gl at the start of a word is often associated with light (glow, glitter), sn at the start of a word often relates to the nose or mouth (snout; snicker) and can have somewhat unpleasant connotations (sneer, snap), and sl at the start of a word relates to frictionless motion (slide; slithery) or unpleasantness (slug; slovenly). (p. 202)

And here’s a very funny one:

 

Omission. This is acceptable if the propositional content is not affected and the sound effect lacks significance. Studies show that omission is in fact one of the most common techniques in Japanese–English translation of mimetic expressions. It should not, however, be used as an excuse for not attempting to find a solution. (p. 205)

One final note on this section:

 

Ultimately, the best way to translate mimetics is to understand the context, deverbalise the meaning and express it without consciously resorting to the above techniques. (p. 205)

That’s my approach with everything, really.

 

The next section she talks about is a relatively minor thing: slogans and catchphrases. Japanese advertising copy isn’t worded even a little similar to English advertising copy. Here’s a short quote:

 

They are often characterised by elements such as brevity, wordplay, and repetition or parallelism for effect. Unless the translation is purely for informational purposes, it is vital that the English rendition also sounds catchy. This might involve modifying the Japanese or substituting a creation that has impact in English. (p. 206)

This was only relevant for one line in Senmomo. Hotori has a side job as the idol (“famous singer” within the text, as “idol” isn’t a word in the Empire’s language) Natsumi, produced by her friend Shino. At one point in Chapter 2, Shino muses over a slogan to advertise a new product with. Predictably, it reads badly when directly translated, so Lonesome threw it out and came up with his own. I don’t have access to our script at the moment, but if I remember, I’ll come back and copy/paste it here later.

 

That’s it for this one. Just one more post in the Wakabayashi train, and it’s gonna be an exciting one: it’ll start with a discussion on honorifics and end with an analysis of how I translated Senmomo’s title. Let me know what you think about this one while you wait warmly for the next. See you next time!

It’s been one good omelet rice lunch and an hour and a half since I finished writing the last post, but I’ve figured out what to write about next. It’s a topic that was staring me in the face all this time: all the stereotypical bullshit that comes with translating dialogue in Japanese media. Honorifics, speech register, Engrish, the works. It’s gonna take several posts (unless you want to read many thousands of words in one sitting), so buckle up. I’m gonna be referencing the Wakabayashi a lot in these ones, since it dedicates a good four chapters to this stuff.

 

Wakabayashi starts by talking about how English and Japanese use direct and indirect speech differently, even saying “[I]t is not always appropriate to reproduce material inside kagi kakko as direct speech in English. Doing so can result in a more dramatic effect than in the original” (p. 146). This is only relevant to VNs when speech is indicated during a line of narration—a relatively rare occurrence—but I don’t think Wakabayashi’s advice here really applies. It’s perfectly fine to render such instances as direct speech with quotation marks in English; the impact will be sufficiently lessened by the lack of voice acting and the presence of narration surrounding it.

 

But if you’ll humor me, I’d like to talk about it a little anyway, even if it’s not related to VNs. Here’s a quote from the Wakabayashi about kagi kakko specifically:

 

Despite the apparent similarity to English quotation marks, dictionary definitions of kagi kakko state that their primary function is to highlight something and distinguish it from the surrounding text. They therefore have a wider range of use than English quotation marks… Kagi kakko do not necessarily indicate that the enclosed utterance is a verbatim quotation. Conversely, their absence does not necessarily indicate indirect speech. (pp. 73-4)

Indeed, sometimes a character’s dialogue looks just like any ordinary narration, particularly if said character is a first-person narrator. This creates a bit of a blurring of lines between the character as a participant in the story and the character as a narrator, as if presenting us with the character’s inner monologue and merely implying that they said something to that effect, to which other characters react.

 

I’m not just making that up, mind you. Have you ever read the Haruhi series in the original Japanese? If you have, you’ll know that very little of Kyon’s dialogue is actually presented inside kagi kakko. That effect I just talked about distances him a bit from the situation at hand and brings him closer to the reader.

 

But as it turns out, the latest installment of the series, The Intuition of Haruhi Suzumiya, makes explicit reference to this. The main thrust of the book is about Tsuruya-san sending the SOS Brigade a series of mystery stories regarding vignettes from her life and asking them to solve them. In them, not a single line of her own dialogue is enclosed in kagi kakko.

 

However, toward the end of the second story, the brigade has cause to suspect that some lines inside kagi kakko, that look like they belong to another character, were actually said by Tsuruya-san. Here’s some of the brigade’s discussion about the affair, translated by yours truly:

 

“The question is why Tsuruya-san was talking like the attendant. What do you think, Koizumi-kun?”

 

“According to the rest of the text of Episodes 1 and 2, Tsuruya-san seems to talk to her close friends in a very direct and candid way. But for all we know, that could just be her inner voice; when she actually speaks, perhaps she does so in the sort of polite language we see in the kagi kakko. Nobody but her can guarantee that her speech matches perfectly with her inner monologue, after all.” (p. 249)

And of course, the other characters in Tsuruya-san’s story reacted to her “inner monologue” as if she’d actually spoken. So you can see this blurring of the lines between narration and dialogue. It’s actually a really cool effect, and it lets you get away with cheap gimmicks like the one Tsuruya-san pulled. I’d like to see that tried more often in English fiction, if possible. Heck, maybe one day I’ll translate a light novel (already have my sights set on one) and render kagi kakko-less dialogue without quotation marks, see how that goes.

 

Just a bit of an aside before we really get into these issues. What we really care about is the content of the dialogue. For several pages, Wakabayashi details many, many techniques for writing colloquial dialogue in English, but I think I’m just gonna skip over that. I mean, come on, that’s how we all write on the internet! I get why a translator of literature or more formal documentation might need a refresher, but all we have to do to make dialogue sound casual is imagine how we’d say it out loud. (Or more precisely, how someone like the character in question would say it out loud.)

 

Things get interesting when Wakabayashi starts talking about keigo. In case you don’t know, keigo refers to the more formal registers of Japanese speech. It involves completely different verb endings from the ones you’re used to, so it’s baked into the very grammar of the language. Unsurprisingly, whether a character speaks in keigo—and if so, what level of it—can say a lot about that character and the interaction they’re in. And just like politeness in English, it can be used sarcastically. Since English has a hard time distinguishing between casualness and politeness based on word choice alone—at the very least, it’s not as clear as Japanese—one must be very careful, or the distinction may be lost.

 

Case in point: Haruhi again. Mild spoilers, so skip these next couple paragraphs if you care, but it turns out that Tsuruya-san’s kagi kakko dialogue was her speaking in English. Oh, and before you ask, T is a new character. She’s introduced as a foreign exchange student, a member of the Mystery Club, and Tsuruya-san’s friend. I like her a lot.

 

Koizumi turned to T and asked, “Does Tsuruya-san’s English sound polite to you, like we saw in Episode 2?”

 

Indeed,” she declared, brushing aside her bangs. Apparently they’d been enjoying their newfound freedom a bit too much with the hairpin gone. “She utilizes precise idioms and stiff grammar. The single blemish upon the pearl is that her pronunciation has just slightly too many vowel sounds.”

 

Ahaha, guess I ain’t quite native yet,” laughed Tsuruya-san. “I be tryin’.”

 

Thinking of it another way, I bet if we translated T’s English to Japanese, it’d come out sounding decent instead of the awkward and rough Japanese she actually speaks. Obviously, since it’s her native language. The difference in nuance would probably be something like her first-person pronoun being translated as watashi instead of atashi, which is what she actually uses. (p. 341)

That’s such a small difference! But such changes in speech register do make clear distinctions in how a character’s dialogue is perceived.

 

In many works, the loss of that distinction isn’t terribly detrimental, but it would be catastrophic in Senmomo with its clear hierarchies. Here’s a rather salient quote Wakabayashi has:

 

When honorifics are translated, there is often a loss of nuance and subtleties, and some translators suggest that honorifics can simply be ignored altogether. Yet summarily dismissing the keigo in dialogue passages fails to convey how “They add authenticity to the relationships between characters and situate them within an appropriate social milieu” (McAuley 2001: 65). These relations can be expressed in English by other means. (p. 154)

This is what I did with Inui Takahito, the manager of Koujiya Flowers. He always speaks in teineigo, the standard desu/masu forms everyone learns first, whether he’s talking to the leader of the warriors or the man he’s housing. You may think this somewhat distant of him, but based on his words and actions, I disagree. He’s using it to build up an easygoing, approachable identity, playing up the mild-mannered and wispy image that has all the women of the neighborhood enthralled. The more casual speech register—tameguchi, it’s called—can feel overly blunt and rough at times. As such, I translated his dialogue as suave and colloquial English in order to create the same air of friendliness and reliability that his politeness in Japanese did. I achieved the same effect by almost the opposite method.

 

Next, we have this:

 

Compensation is another way of handling keigo, as in the following sentence where the formality of my dear conveys the politeness of ご滞在 (p. 154)

This is part of what we’re doing with Kotone. Despite being the grand poobah of the Empire’s religion, she speaks in very humble kenjougo to absolutely everyone and invariably exalts their actions with honorific sonkeigo. In particular, she enjoys the sentence-final phrase de gozaimasu. It’s practically her catchphrase. Therefore, we’re making her use sir and ma’am a lot to retain both her politeness and her idiosyncratic way of speaking.

 

We’re doing more than just that, of course. We’re giving her more sophisticated diction, for instance, and we’re also abolishing most contractions from her dialogue and hedging questions with such phrases as might you.

 

One of the things Lonesome and I did before we got started on editing was sit down together and nail down how we’d render each character’s speech, with a particular focus on politeness or lack thereof. Obviously I already had my own ideas when I did the original TL, but I wanted to see what he had in the kitchen. One idea he had for Mutsumi, the elegant and refined proprietor of a popular warrior watering hole, was to have her use one instead of you to make her questions more indirect. That was left on the cutting room floor, but it just goes to show the level of creativity you need to deal with many different speech registers in a setting where they’re important.

 

Wakabayashi has another warning, though:

 

It is particularly important to indicate when speakers shift between formal and informal language. If not conveyed directly through the mode of speech, this can be done indirectly by a phrase such as slipping into informal conversation/language/speech. (p. 156)

This is often very hard to represent. Thankfully, the extreme politeness with which many characters speak in Senmomo makes our job easy on this front. How do we portray Kotone speaking in tameguchi with Isuzu? Drop the fancy bullshit we usually give her. How do we render Soujin’s deferential speech toward his liege at the end of Chapter 1? Pepper his dialogue with qualifying phrases like I would be honored to or I humbly request. The real tricky ones are the smaller shifts, like how Hotori takes a blunt yet friendly tone with Soujin and a gruff, almost militaristic tone with the rest of the Sworn Blades. But we managed, as you’ll see when the patch comes out.

 

Incidentally, that last part of the Wakabayashi quote about hijacking narration to make up for the lack of change in dialogue is something she suggests for a lot of the things I’m going to discuss in these posts. I consider that approach a copout, and thus we avoid taking it as much as possible.

 

Wakabayashi starts the next chapter out with a discussion on dialects, a problem we don’t have in Senmomo, but she makes all the suggestions you’d expect, such as replacing it with an English dialect that creates the same effect, mentioning it offhand in narration or a footnote, or even not bothering with it at all. Hasegawa even has this to say:

 

The protagonists’ social prestige is amply depicted throughout the story; therefore, Seidensticker does not attempt to express it through their dialect. However, the story also includes speakers of the Tokyo dialect. He strives to preserve the dialectal contrast by using the difference in speech tempo: the Kansai dialects usually sound slower and employ longer sentences than the Tokyo dialect, which is generally perceived as crisper (Seidensticker and Nasu 1962: 207–8)… Lines (a), (c), and (d) are in the Tokyo dialect, while (b) and (e) are in the Senba dialect. Seidensticker employs contractions only with the former. He hopes that the non-contracted lines convey the nuance of unhurried speech, rather than formality. (p. 62)

Personally, having actually read the lines she’s referencing here, I don’t think Seidensticker went far enough, and I don’t get the feeling from his Senba lines that he wishes I would. The difference between the two characters’ speech certainly doesn’t feel as drastic as a dialectical difference. Just goes to show that even the bigshots have trouble with this stuff.

 

She also says this:

 

Birnbaum (2006: 207–8) considers that in Japanese-to-English translation, the most conspicuous place to demonstrate one’s creativity is in conversations. In his translation of Ikezawa Natsuki’s 池澤夏樹 Mashiasu Giri no shikkyaku マシアス・ギリの失脚, a story about a corrupt president of a fictional South Pacific island nation, Birnbaum decided to make the protagonist’s mistress (who speaks ordinary Japanese in the ST) speak non-standard English. (p. 63)

Lonesome cited this principle when he made that proposal about Mutsumi’s dialogue, but I axed it anyway because of how unduly conspicuous it would be for a side character.

 

Wakabayashi even makes a nod to fansubbers when discussing dialects, suggesting experimenting with typeface, font size, and color to convey what the text itself cannot, but she ultimately admits that her various ideas have their flaws and a translator needs to experiment to figure out what works. In other words, the pros are just as clueless as we are.

 

She also gives brief consideration to differentiating male and female dialogue. In Japanese, the differences between the sexes’ speech patterns are much clearer than they are in English. It’s often impossible to denote a clear difference, but it’s also often unnecessary. Unless you’re translating a trapge, that is, and I suspect that’s a big reason why gems like Tsuriotsu have yet to see the light of day in English—differentiating the protagonist’s speech register between his male and female personas is often prohibitively difficult, and may require what academia calls compensation in kind, i.e. showing the distinction in some way other than speech register. Funnily enough, she has an aside about gyaru jargon and other modern slang, advising using online slang dictionaries to make sense of them.

 

Hoowee, that’s a lot, and there’s even more left to go. I’m gonna call it for this post. Next one’s gonna start with the problem of Engrish in the source material. Exciting! As always, leave your feedback in the usual places—Reddit, my email inbox, Discord, et cetera—and I’ll see you next time.

Introduction

Hello friends. As you can probably tell from the title, I really enjoyed reading Café Stella. Plenty of other folks have already discussed at length the qualities that made this a nice game, with one notable exception that I hope to rectify here. You see, a very consequential aspect of my enjoyment came not from the game itself (overall a middling Yuzuge with some interesting-ish ideas and directions) but from my enjoyment of the translation. The moebuta inside me was satisfied to be sure, but the translation nerd inside me was positively delighted by all the good fucking food on offer (and the slick tri-language support was just the cherry on top!)

Rest assured, there will be plenty of gushing about why I think this translation freaking slaps, but please kindly indulge me for a minute as I chat a bit about my motivation for writing this first of (hopefully) many entries in this “series.”

To cut to the chase, my motivation stems from two dissatisfactions I’ve always had about the tendencies of translation discourse in the community. Generally, I’ve been rather disappointed with the quality and nuance of translation critiques I’ve seen – nearly all of it being some combination of hopelessly broad and contextless (“yep, mhm, I thought it was pretty good”, etc.) obsessively focused on what I think are extremely trifling considerations instead (REEEing about how “onii-chan” is translated) or just clearly done in an unconstructive and bad-faith manner (holding up individual lines as “gotchas” that a translation sucks, manifestly untrue accusations of MTL, etc.)

More crucially though, it’s always made me a bit sad that the discourse about translation and translation quality tends to be so overwhelmingly negative, almost exclusively dominated by complaints and put-downs instead of praise and commendation. To be sure, it’s no secret that both of us think translators in this space generally ought to hold themselves to much higher standards, and there are plenty of unconscionably bad translations out there that 100% deserve to be panned much more than they do (though still in a constructive and civil manner, mind you!) However, the preponderance of negativity whenever translations are discussed really belies the fact that there are just as many sublimely brilliant works out there as well; works where the virtuosity and effort of the localizers stand out clear as day, and these works absolutely deserve more praise than they currently receive!

Hence my reason for writing this entry: I want to offer the sort of detailed and substantive and evidence-based translation critique I’d personally looove to see more of, and I want to challenge the cynicism and negativity that tends to pervade discussions such as these by foregrounding the impressive skill and resourcefulness and wit and effort that goes into crafting awesome TLs! Few things bring me as much joy as spotting a really brilliant line in a translation, and nothing would make me happier if you’d be able to share in that feeling! In short, I’d like to use this space to celebrate great translations!

Café Stella: An Overview

Café Stella and the Reapers’ Butterflies (喫茶ステラと死神の蝶) is an eroge developed by Yuzusoft in 2019 and localized into English/Chinese by Nekonyan/Hikari Field in 2022. The English staff credits are as follows:

Project Management: akerou

English Translator: akerou, dream

Editor: Chuee

Engineering/Programming: Wamsoft

Video Editor: R Stuart

Image Editor: Quattro, Saki

QA: Adrian Kerkau, SSparks, KiriyaAoi, haerts, saki

As a broad overview, I should start by saying that I generally have a good opinion of Nekonyan’s translations, though I think the quality of their work does tend to fluctuate quite a bit (Koikari’s TL totally slaps, but Kinkoi was much more of a mixed bag). Café Stella, though, is definitely one of their big winners!

Interestingly, I wouldn’t characterize Café Stella as a particularly difficult game to translate at all; the writing is fairly simple and straightforward, and I don’t think there are many unique puzzles or challenges that the text offers either. However, I was still thoroughly impressed by how elegant and pleasurable the translation was to read. Even just an hour or so into the common route, I felt like the excellent quality of the translation was very self-evident! Make no mistake, even for a putatively “easy” work, there is still enormous amounts of room for translator skill expression, and I think a lower-effort and more workmanlike output would have been very qualitatively worse and much less enjoyable to read!

If there are a few things that I think are particularly praiseworthy about this translation that are worth highlighting, it’d be (1) the exceptionally fine balance struck with respect to its localization choices, doing an excellent job of accommodating the target text to its likely target audience, (2) the very smooth and slick dialogue that takes great efforts to capture character voice and eradicate almost all traces of stiffness and “translationese”, and (3) the display of a very commendable conscientiousness in adhering to the integrity of the source text and not committing needless “treachery”, but at the same time, exhibiting remarkable moral courage in taking extremely bold liberties where the source text truly demands it!

Of course, it does very little good to speak purely in generalities like this, so let us look at some more specific examples. Knowledge of Japanese would be helpful, of course, but by no means required (your Japanese is almost certainly better than mine!)

This exercise of writing a translation critique like this is still completely new to me, and I’m highly unsure about how best to organize these writeups and make my arguments, but I think for this post at least, I’m going to organize the ~25+ illustrative examples I’ve collated over the course of reading this game into several general translation “themes” that will hopefully show why I think this work is really something – certainly among the very best that Nekonyan has ever put out.

~Be warned, potential SPOILERS and some NSFW images (for education purposes only!) ahead~

Stock Expressions and Aisatsu

This first “theme” is admittedly nothing more than a rough heuristic I’ve developed, but out of hundreds and hundreds of otaku translations I’ve read, I’ve never encountered a single work which mishandles “stock expressions” and “aisatsu” that I thought was above average, let alone genuinely good. You probably know what I’m talking about, right? I’m referring to those commonplace turns of phrase and phatic expressions and the way that unskilled translators tend to manhandle them; thoughtlessly substituting every “shikatanai” with “it can’t be helped”, “yahari” with “as I expected”, “itadakimasu” with “thanks for the food” and so on…

I didn’t bother collecting too much evidence of an absence in Café Stella’s case, but rest assured that it manages to negotiate this (admittedly very low) bar successfully and renders these dime-a-dozen stock expressions with very mindful and contextually fitting equivalencies~

The last point is one I especially want to highlight – I think there might be a false impression that the “really hard to translate lines” are categorically those super long and dense and flowery and meaningful lines of narration. While these passages certainly pose plenty of their own challenges, in my experience, it’s often just a simple errant “arigatou” or “otsukaresama” that ends up being an absolute brick wall! As you are surely aware, many of these Japanese aisatsu simply have no good equivalencies in English and for an English speaker to say ANYTHING in such a context would be perceived as rather strange! Hence, it is often extraordinarily challenging to come up with an elegant line in substitution. Café Stella is very mindful of this fact, and the solutions that it regularly comes up with are very resourceful indeed!

Take this rendition of an “otsukaresama” exchange for example, which is rendered as “see you tomorrow”; a much more plausible and natural pleasantry you might exchange in English to your coworkers (compared to, for example, the much more default “good work, everyone!”) Not the most “difficult” solution by any means, but I don’t think every translator would’ve opted for this either, and in my mind, it’s compelling evidence of some thoughtful consideration, that the writers of the translation considered several options and selected the best one instead of mindlessly jamming out the top dictionary recommendation for otsukaresama and calling it a day.

This take on “itakdakimasu” was one I thought was particularly neat! It instrumentalizes the very specific context (two people who have been eagerly watching and awaiting the results of their cooking project) and comes up with a line that fits exceptionally well in a situation where all the “commonplace” renditions of “itadakimasu” would be terribly awkward! Just imagine if this was something like “thanks for the food!” instead… Eugh!

One final illustration of the mindful negotiation of aisatsu. In this case, a very straightforward but non-obvious “Hey, everyone”, which is an infinitely more plausible way for an English speaker to slide into a conversation with coworkers, capturing the perfunctory and non-communicative, phatic nature of these exchanges much better than a highly literal, hammy, over-the-top “great job today, everyone!” (Consider how often you get showered with a chorus of exhortations like this in an English-speaking workplace…) As Hasegawa observes, oftentimes, “silence can be the best adaptation in such cases.”

Out of interest, let’s also check out how Café Stella handles some notoriously difficult phrases, shall we? Three examples I’ve picked out are 甘える/甘やかすas well as 甘酸っぱい. The former “amaeru” (to pamper, to spoil, to fawn on, etc.) is either first or second among my personal list of “most goddamn impossible fucking words to translate FUCK” (incidentally, if you are curious about amae, I highly recommend Takeo Doi’s illuminating The Anatomy of Dependence which is one of my favourite non-fiction books!) On the other hand, “amazuppai” (lit. sweet and sour, almost always associated with youthful romance and indiscretion) is just a personal pet peeve of mine since I see it rendered as “bittersweet” so incredibly often even though I feel like it has a completely different emotional valance (with almost none of the “bitter” of bittersweet…) Anyways, let’s see how Café Stella handles these.

In the first example, the sentiment being expressed is along the lines of “it’d be okay for a heartbroken girlfriend to amaeru to her boyfriend… right?” and the rephrasing of the question as well as the use of the verb “to comfort” constructs a wonderfully natural equivalence in English that still captures all of the insecure, anxious gap moe of Suzune expressing a desire to amaeru! Hauu~ omochikaeri~!

I think the second example represents a nice case study of the tradeoffs inherently involved in translation. I think you could raise a reasonable argument that Nekonyan’s take does erase some degree of the nuance expressed with “amayakasu” (to coddle, to excessively indulge) by rendering it as “not too keen [to force her back to work]” but I think to translate it any more directly would negatively impact the naturalness of the line (consider the difficulty of directly, explicitly fitting in the sentiment that he thinks her parents are perhaps spoiling/indulging her) I think this take also does a great job with capturing the equivocacy and uneasy nature of the exchange, with the “not too keen on” word choice doing a lot to embed and compensate for a lot of the “things left unsaid” nuance that is originally present. Overall, a very interesting line that I likely wouldn’t have written myself, but I really do like and can see the merits of.

The last example is simply brilliant, easily one of the best renditions of this exclamation of “amazuppai!” I’ve ever seen! It’s immensely clever and liberal in the best of ways; one of those takes that if you handed to ten different translators, only one would come up with this! It’s such a great equivalency in every respect, fitting the energy of the situation, Suzune’s characterization, the sentiment behind the exclamation all perfectly! Imagine this line as just something like “Uwaah! How bittersweet!” instead, oof…

Linguistic and Sociocultural Thoughtfulness

This is a really understatedly important and valuable aspect of great translation I feel. It should really go without saying of course, but the challenges of translation aren’t merely of a purely linguistic nature. They also necessarily require a thoughtful accounting of the sociocultural nuances of the source and target languages! (And yep, I acknowledge it wouldn’t be unreasonable to consider these sociocultural aspects as part of a fundamental definition of what “linguistics” is about!)

I think this very simple line is an illuminating example of what I’m referring to. The Japanese here literally expresses something along the lines of “What do you mean ‘am I coming?’ That first period class is compulsory/required, isn’t it?” Besides the impressive way that the translation naturalizes the largely rhetorical language in the first clause, I thought it shows off an impressive amount of thoughtfulness in how it deals with the second clause!

Assuming that you are familiar with the norms of Western higher education, it should stand out as at least slightly strange that a course being “必修” (compulsory/required/a graduation requirement) is somehow a manifestly sensible rejoinder to the notion that you might otherwise consider cutting class, right? As any undergraduate with a dreaded 9AM lecture could attest, a course being a graduation requirement is hardly an especially compelling reason to attend lecture!

Rather, the “default” assumption with Western higher education is that lecture attendance is optional and that non-attendance typically faces no sanction, with the “requisite” nature of the class being a generally irrelevant factor. Hence, I think a literal and straightforward rendition of this line wouldn’t be an especially great equivalency for an audience that isn’t intuitively familiar with the subtleties of Japanese higher education (where it seems attendance is much more of an expectation, with this expectation differing between “mandatory” and “elective” coursework)

It seems that the English translation shares this view, hence opting for a very natural alternative of “a prof that uncharacteristically always takes attendance” that makes Hiroto’s argument of “of course I’m gonna go to class” much more self-evident to the target audience. It’s such an elegant sleight of hand that I highly doubt anyone would have even noticed, which is exactly what you should want with changes like this, and it’s really a treat to see this level of effortful attention to detail and mindfulness applied even to entirely inconsequential throwaway lines such as this.

Interestingly, it was this particular passage about 15 minutes into the prologue that elevated this translation from “decent” to “damn good” in my evaluation. I think it initially might look fairly non-descript, but belies some very impressive and thoughtful translation decisions I’d like to unpack.

The second line is just some very slick dynamic equivalence. The original 避けるべき代表的なワード (lit. “archetypal words that ought to be avoided”) is very thoughtfully and deliberately rendered with the colloquial English expressions “buzzwords” and “red flags” which are extremely contextual and specific to the practice of job hunting; I can’t think of any better mot juste, very nice!

The third line is especially interesting. It features the compound 少数精鋭, which Wakabayashi defines as “employing only a few workers, but ones of superior ability” (funnily enough, in the specific chapter where this expression is used as an example of the difficulties of word economy in finding concise English equivalencies for dense kanji compounds!) It also has the quality of sounding like a “buzzword”; the sort of inauthentic corporate-speak that would totally be at place in a cheesy hiring slogan. Hence, the challenge here is twofold, (1) to somehow capture the meaning of 少数精鋭 with very concise brevity and (2) write something that plausibly reads like an English job advert, necessarily rife with the same sort of exaggerated puffery that you’d expect from such texts. I think the solution Nekonyan came up with here “Small team, employee-friendly!” shows that the translators were clearly cognizant of the demands of such a line. I might’ve gone for something more hammy (“Looking for motivated self-starters to join our small, tight-knit family!”, perhaps?) but I quite like their take as well, and I could so very easily imagine disastrous takes on this line, such as an unskilled TLer thoughtlessly sticking in the clunky dictionary definition for 少数精鋭 and calling it a day.

Finally, the last line, too, features some very clear evidence of thoughtfulness, and specifically, something I find particularly commendable given that I struggle a lot with it: realizing when to simply “give up” and sacrifice some fidelity and meaning for greatly improved flow! This line features a neat bit of wasei-eigo with ワンオペ (wan-ope, which as you can probably guess, derives from “one-operation”) and specifically refers to the situation of being the sole employee staffing an entire enterprise (like a conbini) by themselves. As far as I’m aware, there isn’t an elegant English expression to convey this very specific (and admittedly very useful!) idea. “One-operation” is a complete non-starter as it’d just be nonsense to a native English speaker, and something like “[working the] graveyard shift”, while not too far off, foregrounds the wrong nuance, implying that the objectionable feature are the hours, rather than an employer abandoning you to take on an onerous amount of responsibility all on your own. I think Nekonyan made the sensible choice here in deciding that there is indeed no way to elegantly convey this idea, merely opting for “getting screwed over” and showing some impressive “moral courage” (I will write about this idea at a future date if Dubs doesn’t beat me to it) in deliberately losing out on some semantic meaning in exchange for a line that flows smoothly and makes sense. I think in this case, it’s an eminently reasonable decision with very worthwhile tradeoffs that nonetheless couldn’t have been easy to make!

I hope unpacking lines like these showcases the type of deliberation that goes into crafting a nice translation. To be sure, all of this is purely speculation on my part, but I do feel like the translation speaks for itself and showcases clear evidence of this sort of thoughtfulness I’m particularly fond of seeing! A few more rapid-fire interesting examples:

My opinions on the extremely questionable “Americanization” of 3年 as “[college] junior” aside, I thought it was neat how the text dances around the issues of directly mentioning “languages” and thereby prevents inadvertently highlighting its status as a translation, which rendering the former line as the literal “She’s in my foreign language (presumably English) class” or the latter as “Do you mind speaking Japanese?” would have done.

I thought this handling of “inline quotations in kagikakko” was likewise very slick and non-obvious. I feel like this practice of speaking in a hypothetical manner “on behalf of non-existent people” would be perceived as fairly strange in English even though it is commonplace in Japanese, and therefore a literal rendering of this line would be rather untoward (not to mention excessively long…) I find that Nekonyan’s solution of summarizing “tsugi koso wa tanoshii jinsei wo okuritai!” (I want to be happy in my next life!”) and “aitsu ga yurusenai!” (I’ll never forgive that SOB!”) as simply “regrets and resentments” is pretty damn elegant.

I’m just glad they did something for Nozomi’s Shinto norito here! It’s a pretty solid take as well, but more than the quality, just seeing supererogatory efforts like this that make me very happy; I could easily imagine a lazier translator simply opting to leave it Romanized or giving a flavourless literal translation instead >__<

Humour and Wit

Just as much as the romance, solid comedy lies at the heart of the appeal of moege, and humour and wit always represent enormous opportunities for translator skill expression. The quality of comedy itself is pretty subjective, so I won’t bother to argue that any specific joke is funny or not, but I do still want to highlight the sound application of translation principles that underpins lots of the really clever jokes written by the translation.

This passage, I think, is really emblematic of the excellent style with which Nekonyan approached the comedy in this game. As you can probably guess, each of the MC’s tsukkomis as Natsume adds more and more sugar are only loosely based off of the original line, reflecting what I think is a nice attitude towards negotiating comedy specifically – being excessively beholden to the original text would end up strangling a lot of the wit out of the prose, but the translation never strays too far either, always still making sure to reflect the “spirit” of the original line. I particularly liked the take on #5, it’s easily the funniest out of the bunch, reflecting a very “naturally English” interjection, on account of the original おっとさらに追い砂糖 (“oh dear, another sugar…”) being largely unworkable and running contrary to the pattern of escalating bewilderment and exasperation. Really nice line and passage.

Damn, aren’t these just two really lovely and witty takes? They’re rather brilliant applications of an idea I like to think of as “memetic equivalent exchange” (or, if you insist on being lame and technical, “compensation in kind”) Both of the original lines are culturally-steeped references that constitute funny punchlines, the former emulating an exasperated director/producer calling for an abrupt dismissal, and the latter harkening to the commonplace otaku meme of “[riajuu] bakuhatsu shiro!” In both cases, the humorous content of the lines absolutely must be retained – something which a flat, literal rendition of either line wouldn’t be very successful at doing. The natural solution, of course, is to “compensate” for the humour of the original with a similar in-kind type of reference (read: insert dank memes), and I feel like the wittiness and cleverness on display here speaks for itself~

Some really nice ideas in this pair of examples as well, specifically with capturing subtext and sarcasm! In the first example, the line “Hiuchidani-san wa kashkoi desu” is (1) deliberately written in katakana and (2) very off-register as the MC incongruously uses “desu”, both of which should be clear indicators that the line is meant to be read as excessively stiff and pretending. The translation does a sublime job of capturing this effect, especially with the very non-obvious and deliberate use of ellipses! A few lines down, the extremely colloquial “I’m a big dumb-dumb!” is also just perfect; pure poetry at work~

In the second example, the “arigatou Mei, aishiteru” is also clearly intended to be sarcastic (especially on account of the use of “aishiteru”) Of course, the much more obvious rendition of “Thanks Mei, I love you” would still be able to convey the sarcasm and not induce any misunderstanding on the part of the reader, but I especially love how the English script opted to go above and beyond with the manifestly flippant “Love ya bunches” which does so much more to capture the absurdity of responding with “aishiteru” upon being granted an outrageous sexual favour.

A final principle I want to highlight is a related notion of “compensation in place” (some might call it “making up new jokes that totally weren’t there originally”) Naturally, a brief defense is in order:

I think there’s a perverse belief that doing so would be outside the prerogative of an ethical translator, but this belief is rather misplaced in my view. My argument is simple, any act of translation, no matter how skilled, is necessarily going to result in some amount of erasure. Applied over the length of an entire source text, a strict principle of never attempting to compensate would yield a purely subtractive process, necessarily resulting in a target text where a vast amount of substance (tone, comedy, beauty, etc.) is “lost in translation.” (I especially recommend the chapter in the Wakabayashi titled “Translators at play”) Hence, some poetic license in compensating for comedy is certainly very necessary, though it goes without saying that restraint is crucial. I think Café Stella did a good job with striking this balance, as shown with the two above examples.

The former example deliberately inserts the much more cute and flavourful association of “selling like hotcakes” to “飛ぶように売れて” (selling lots of goods, flying off the shelves) The latter example renders “jyanakute sa” (“Er, it’s not…”) as the rather bold “That’s not what it says on my birth certificate” which, while quite enterprising, does manage to capture the flippancy of the tone while also being considerably funnier. I might’ve opted for something a touch more grounded like “Try again” but I can certainly appreciate the sentiment behind such a take~

Elegance in Prose and “Justified” Treachery

The last theme I want to highlight are the sorts of lines that get me the most excited, and it features some of my favourite lines from the whole script. These are the sorts of lines I think especially manage to distinguish translator skill; lines that often demand courageous amounts of treachery in order to craft elegant, flowing prose and beautiful takes that don’t lose to the original. For any dogmatic literalists still reading this for some reason, viewer discretion is advised~

Isn’t that such a lovely view? Those two round curves sure are a sight for sore eyes indeed~

Of course, I’m talking about the exceptionally clever use of parentheses here. The tricky construction in question is the 一人暮らしの男の部屋 (the room/apartment of a man who lives alone) which is an awfully clunky mouthful and represents some terribly awkward English if retained in its entirety. I think I honestly would have just decided that the “living alone part” wasn’t sufficiently important enough and dropped it entirely for the sake of improved flow, but Nekonyan’s clever solution here to include this information in the parenthetical manages to both be more faithful, but also inject a touch of wit into the line. Supremely resourceful take; the sort of thing that seems so obvious in hindsight, but I think would be very difficult to come up with originally!

Japanese onomatopoeia often represent a very tricky, but rarely entirely intractable translation problem. They often just require really clever and resourceful takes such as this one here. This line here “fuwafuwa to suru you na… dokidoki suru you na… ii nioi ga suru” is probably very easy for most versed with otaku media to intuitively understand, but represents an enormous challenge to render into English. How does one effectively distill the essence of a “slightly fuwafuwa and dokidoki” sensation? I think Nekonyan’s take here is rather brilliant, “somewhat sweet and somewhat thrilling” is just perfect, despite being very far from the standard definitions for these phrases. The cherry on top is the skillful leveraging of “punctuation as a resource” with the insertion of the ellipses, a very nice touch in order to modulate the pacing and tone of the line in a way that aligns it super finely with the cadence of the original!

Take a look at those last two lines, a deceptively trivial eleven moji that was likely far more difficult to translate than the entre preceding paragraph! It immediately strikes me as such a quintessentially Japanese reflection that takes some real ingenuity to properly reflect into English.

I hope it’s fairly apparent to everyone that anything bordering on a stiff, literal rendition of “totonotta kirei na yokogao… suki da” (lit. “a well-formed and beautiful profile… I love [it/her/etc.]”) is absolutely intolerable and belongs nowhere near an acceptable English script. However, I think their boldly treacherous take here is quite lovely indeed, with its elegant brevity, the way it effectively instrumentalizes the crucial line break, and most importantly, the feeling that really just does capture the same “soul” of the original~

For what it’s worth, the Chinese translation of Café Stella is also quite excellent, but its extremely bland take on this passage just doesn’t land nearly as well as the English! (For reference: 她那端正的侧颜也是那么的美。…越看越喜欢)

I previously mentioned the way Café Stella’s translation handles this convention of “inline quotations” and here’s another really excellent example. I also want to highlight the third line, and the very sensible rendition of both the “sore demo… iya, dakara koso!” as well as the “shiawase ni shitekure!”

If you’ve spent any time reading dubious translations, you’ve surely seen both of these lines handled terribly, take for example:

“Despite that… No! Because of that, I want to make you happy!” aaaaaaaAAAAAA

I saved the two best for last. This extremely non-descript line is probably actually my favourite take in the entire script! It might not even be obvious which line I’m talking about, right? The line I love so much is this last one, “tonikaku ore wa hitasura furai-pan o futta” (lit. “Anyways, I devotedly flipped my frying pan”) I think I enjoyed this take so much because it immediately struck me as being the sort of “deceptively easy”, highly intuitive take that an MTL or an unskilled human TL could never possibly come up with in a million years. But once you see it, it looks so obvious! It’s just such an elegant and high-context English equivalency that I think perfectly expresses the sentiment and meaning behind the original line, one that manages to sublime the transitional とにかく without feeling abrupt or strange, managing to embed this “affect of diligent industriousness” conveyed by the ひたすら without needing to reach for a clunky and self-aggrandizing adjective… Just simply wonderful, one of those rare brilliancies that make reading translations so much more rewarding than the original text~

This final passage, by contrast, is certainly what I think is the “best” (or at least, most courageous) take in the entire game! (I even managed to use it to convince Dubs to be a bit braver on at least one occasion~)

As you can see, Natsume’s Father terminates this poignant, emotional speech with “arigatou” which is boldly rendered in the English script as “We love you.”

> Ehhhhh?! WTF Nekonyan, I’m JLPT N6 and both I and Google Translate can confirm that “arigatou” does NOT mean “I love you”! Fire your incompetent translator at once!

But seriously though, what an absolutely marvelous take that surely required no small amount of courage~ I can so easily imagine the temptation to simply render this line as “thank you”, and I have no doubt that the lesser-skilled or more-chickenhearted might’ve opted for this “safe” option. Still though, just think about it! Damn would this entire scene have been so much worse for it! This is clearly intended as a profound expression of love and gratitude, and “thank you” just comes nowhere close to delivering that poignancy, with the literal English equivalent expression doing a very poor job of conveying the implicit subtext “thank you for being born, for being our daughter, etc.” I think it’s just very apparent that “We love you” is absolutely the best equivalency here bar none, and the translators here absolutely deserve to be celebrated for having the skill (and moral courage!) to make the right call. It was worth reading the entire game just to see this line.

Good Translations Still Make Mistakes!

I hope all those examples were illuminating and instructive. However, by no means do I want to give off the impression that Café Stella is a flawless translation or that I’m just a paid Nekonyan shill. Literally any translation, and especially a translation of an eroge with hundreds of thousands of words, is bound to have plenty of errors. Here are just a few examples I’d like to highlight for the sake of completeness:

There are of course a handful of spelling and grammar issues (“set wether to skup…”, “prove of…”) as is to be expected. Though I feel like the translator and editor certainly bear some responsibility for their negligence, it’s obviously unfair to use this as evidence to accuse a translator of being bad/unskilled.

Moreover, I’d say that having only a handful of mistakes, once every several hundred lines or so, is only natural and even commendable if the error rate is truly so low. On the other hand, it’s being rife with mistakes that regularly show up once every few dozen lines that is indeed intolerable. For what it’s worth, Café Stella has my approval for being impressively error-free despite its sheer length, and certainly is very below average in terms of error frequency.

Naturally, everything mentioned above also applies to untranslated lines. Again, an unfortunate but understandable mistake, especially in isolation, so long as they’re not especially frequent or anything.

Of course, there are a handful of “actual” translation errors I spotted as well, though I’d again emphasize that I feel like they were very few in number and well below the typical amount of errors contained in most other works. I thought this was a particularly interesting example, since it is legitimately one (much rarer than you’d think!) case of that mystical, fabled “Japanese ambiguity”. In this case, it is unclear who 朝武さん is referring to, the father or the daughter of a certain shrine from Senren Banka. I (and the Chinese translation) both agree that it makes much more sense for him to be referring to Tomotake Yoshino the daughter as opposed to Nekonyan’s interpretation of her father. It seems strange that these numerous exchanges should all be mediated between her father rather than Rokurou speaking to Yoshino directly, and it seems much less plausible that “[the father being] rather busy with some things this year” should prevent the daughter from performing the dance. Indeed, I believe there are occasions later on as well where the English script does interpret “Tomotake-san” to mean Yoshino herself, which makes prior mentions such as this somewhat incongruous. An especially interesting case study, isn’t it? At any rate, all other errors I spotted were on levels such as this, nothing rising above the level of mild-to-inconsequential inaccuracies and mistakes, which I think further speaks to the high quality of the work.

In the interest of full completeness, a few more minor issues I have with the translation, in no particular order:

  • I suspect this might be more of an American tendency, but the word “cafe” shows up thousands of times in the script without the accent aigu! This wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if the official title of the game didn’t freaking include the accent, suggesting that this was just an inconsistent oversight rather than a deliberate artistic choice…
  • This is very likely just another personal pet peeve, but there are SO MANY freaking “wry smiles” >__< Yes, 苦笑 certainly deserves a pretty high spot on “that list”, but this was one phrase I feel like the text could’ve consistently handled a lot better. The Chinese script did a far better job with multiple diverse variations like 无奈的笑 even though they could’ve just copied 苦笑 1:1!
  • It would have been nice if the vocal songs were translated. I’m aware that doing so would be supererogatory and the vast majority of commercial translations don’t seem to feel obligated to do this, but it still would be nice…

At any rate, I hope it’s clear that my intention here is by no means to bash this translation or the staff for merely containing errors. Errors are an ineliminable fact of life for a project any size, and the presence of mistakes is very poor evidence for the quality of any translation. Instead, what ought matter is the relative frequency of mistakes (in Café Stella’s case, impressively low!), their nature (in Café Stella’s case, easily understandable errors that by no means belie the work of an unskilled TLer), and of course, whether there are praiseworthy elements to contrast the bad (see… literally all my profuse gushing about how great this script is!)

Conclusion

This translation was a genuine pleasure to read, and I found it extremely instructive! If you haven’t checked it out yet, I’d highly recommend picking up Café Stella and making good use out of the tri-language integration (PS: The Chinese TL is really great too!)

As I mentioned, I’d be interested in doing similar writeups such as this for other translations that really catch my eye, but I’m not sure how consistent this will prove to be, especially because it is so much more annoying to make comparisons and collect evidence if the game only contains the English script.

Dubs seems to be doing a great job in relaying our thoughts on general translation theory, so I’m not too sure what to be writing about in the future. I have an essay outlining some principles of “Neutral International English” and a discussion of some interesting cognitive biases associated with translation in the works, but after that, who knows? At any rate, if you enjoyed content like this, do let me know, and if you hated it, please do also let me know. If you somehow made it this far, thanks for your time! I’d especially love to hear any thoughts you have about this post, content you’d like to see, or Café Stella in general. Have a nice day and don’t forget to read more moege~

I’m writing this post on March 29th. It’s been a hot second since the English release of Cyanotype Daydream, hasn’t it? As was pointed out last night in a polite and helpful manner by a highly valued and respected member of the Reddit VN community, Cyanotype Daydream contains a smattering of typos and areas where one line didn’t flow into the next. I haven’t played it, so I don’t know firsthand, but I do remember the controversy surrounding the game at launch. Even the more recent Café Stella supposedly had an untranslated line at first. What’s going on? Do the localizers just not care about the quality of the work they put out?

 

Of course they care. They just let some dumb mistakes slip through the cracks, that’s all.

 

It happens to the best of us, really, even the people who wrote these games in the first place. Many times, I’ve seen incorrect kanji, accidentally duplicated hiragana, accidentally omitted hiragana, and every other kind of typo you can imagine. Even Senmomo has a few typos in the original script. One time, they even got the Empire and the Republic backwards!

 

I’ve been known to make dumb brain farts in my Senmomo translation, too. For example, I evidently didn’t hit the 0 key enough times, reducing the ranks of Okonogi’s Forbidden Guard from 200,000 to a mere 20,000. I also make the odd typo here and there, though Lonesome maintains the stance that the relative scarcity of such dumb mistakes in my script is praiseworthy.

 

Lonesome, too, makes these oopsies, despite how good an editor he is—more than I do, in fact. As was likely the case in Cyanotype Daydream, he’ll change one line and forget to alter the next to match it, or he’ll forget to change one of my verb endings to match the new subject he gave it. Maybe he’ll forget to delete one of my words, or maybe he’ll forget to add one of his. None of this means he’s a bad editor; it’s all a normal part of the process.

 

Of course, the problem is when these mistakes survive long enough to reach the consumer’s eyes. I’m obviously not defending the blunders rampant in Cyanotype Daydream at launch; I was just trying to explain where they came from. No, a good QC job should be eradicating them before the master copy hits the servers of Steam, JAST, Mangagamer, Denpasoft, or wherever.

 

Granted, that’s easier said than done. These games are long. If you look at JPDB’s page for Senmomo, you’ll find that this game contains nearly fifty thousand lines. That’s a lot of text, and plenty big-name games are even longer. These companies are trying to meet budgets and deadlines. They might not have the time or money for multiple people to read through several-dozen-hour-long games multiple times in search of a forgotten comma. That’s just the unfortunate reality; all we can do is hope the people working on the script are more careful in the first place.

 

That’s somewhere fan translations have an advantage over official ones: we’re not constrained by time or money. If we wanted to, we could sit on Senmomo for years as we make minute adjustments to the script, even after editing is finished (a maneuver I will henceforth call “pulling a Eustia”). We won’t, of course, but we could. The obvious tradeoff is that fan translation groups are just a collection of randos, while employees of companies went through a hiring process during which they were held to some sort of standard (the actual value of said standard notwithstanding), so fan TL quality is a lot more volatile than official TL quality. Sometimes we’re a lot better, and sometimes we’re a lot worse. Personally, I’d say the Senmomo script gives a lot of official translators a run for their money, but even if you’re skeptical, at the very least, you can expect it to be polished.

 

Believe me, I get just as annoyed at typos in commercial works as you do. It’s sloppy and unprofessional, and it shouldn’t happen. But at the same time, they’re a fact of life, so while you’re in the right to criticize them, don’t be a dick about it. A lot of these game engines are held together by bubblegum and duct tape, making them hard enough to work with as it is. These translators and editors and what have you are trying their best, so be respectful in your dealings with them.

 

Also—not that I’m saying any of you would do this—don’t assert that an obvious QC goof is the product of secondary MTL and proceed to unduly attack a translator/editor without evidence. That’s a dick thing to do.

 

That’s all for this time. I kept a post relatively short for once! Are you proud of me? Let me know in all the usual places. See you next time, when I’ll talk about… I don’t know, actually! Stay tuned.

In case you didn’t know, whenever Lonesome finishes editing a script file of Senmomo, we get on a Discord call together and go over it line by line, looking for odd turns of phrase, typos, grammatical errors, and edits that stray too far from the original Japanese. (He’s usually very good about keeping to the original tone, but sometimes he gets too excited, and I’ll make him redo a line.)

 

But wait. He proclaimed to the world when he first joined me that my translation is already good as is and could be released in its current state after a simple sweep for typos. Why am I bothering to have him go over the script?

 

Or, alternatively, he’s the editor. He’s supposed to touch the script now, so why am I suddenly coming back in and interfering with his job?

 

There’s a lot of good answers to these questions, ones that I’m sure are fairly obvious to most of the people reading this, so I won’t bother enumerating those. In this post, I’d like to talk about one that often goes overlooked: bias inherent in a translator’s perception of English.

 

Lonesome and I come from fairly different linguistic backgrounds. I grew up my entire life in Florida, that strange pocket of the American southeast that seems to defy the influence of all the states surrounding it. I did spend my second year of college in Japan, but I mostly spoke Japanese there, so outside a few short periods of my life, I was mostly exposed to people of backgrounds similar to mine.

 

Lonesome, meanwhile, finds his English origins most strongly in Canada. He also went to college on the east coast of the US, and now he lives somewhere in Asia. With more of an international background than mine, he tends to prefer the conventions of British English in writing, even if his accent when speaking is essentially no different from mine.

 

With all this in mind, it’s actually remarkable how similarly we do speak. But the slight differences between our English sensibilities do make themselves apparent in the script. And just think of the untold hundreds (maybe even thousands, hopefully) of people who will eventually read Senmomo. Each and every one of them comes from a unique background, and they will read the game through that lens. What sounds normal to one person may sound strange to another. (To give an example, I was once criticized for using “sense of equilibrium” over “sense of balance” in a screenshot I posted, but all of us on the team agreed “equilibrium” worked better there.) The final script needs to reflect a neutral standard of English that will sound natural to as wide a range of readers as possible.

 

As such, we get on our calls together to make sure the script reads in a way we can both be happy with. For example, I tend to prefer “too” where he would more readily go for “as well.” I’m an “okay” person, but he likes “alright.” He’ll go for “towards” where I’d sooner use “to” or “toward.” Sometimes, one of us will point at a line the other wrote and say, “This sounds kinda off.” Translators and editors are only human; we can only write based on what makes sense to us. When we make a word choice, we do it based on the nuances we personally consider that word to have. Your personal biases are going to creep into your translations no matter how hard you try. You can obviously counter this with some effort, but it always helps to have another pair of eyes. See this quote from the Wakabayashi:

 

Like writers, translators have their own idiolect. A predilection for certain turns of phrase can result in a ‘translator’s tic’. Ways of overcoming this include paying careful attention to one’s writing, soliciting critical feedback, and consciously looking for alternative expressions when reading other people’s work. (p. 169)

All of which I do regularly.

 

This can easily be a slippery slope, of course. So what if both of us supervise the script at once? Won’t it just become the average of our sensibilities and potentially still not mesh with other readers? Considering that you don’t really hear about this in discussions of translations, I think you know the answer to that question. I’ve gone on about differing linguistic backgrounds, but those are ultimately backgrounds of the same language. Said differences are going to be minute—mostly on the level of “oh, that sounds fine, I guess, but I might’ve gone for something else first.” Indeed, when we went over Chapter 1 on a call with Garudyne and Silverlight, neither of them said a word about our English. I take this to mean that we’ve reached a comfortable medium that most people can enjoy.

 

Indeed, I actually advise against having too many people touch the script, lest its voice get too schizophrenic. One editor and maybe one TLC is enough, with perhaps a QC person dedicated solely to catching typos (and doing other things that don’t involve editing the script). I have a relatively long history with fansubbing, and one time, I subbed a show I was really looking forward to with a group I’d just joined. I’d already read all the source material. I knew the story inside and out. I had a plan of attack for everything. I remember watching the first episode on the TV in my dorm’s common room (this was during my study abroad), then racing into my room to write my TL. Once I’d finished and uploaded it, I went to bed, leaving the rest in the hands of the other members of the group.

 

I woke up to an incomprehensible mess that I couldn’t even recognize as my own script. It was all over the place; I couldn’t tell what sort of voice it was intended to have. Some lines just made no sense at all, and even some subtle foreshadowing had vanished without a trace. I quickly discovered the reason for this: the project had one editor, two TLC people, two QC people, and the group leader. All six of them had editorial authority over the script (which begs the question of what “TLC” and “QC” mean). And more than one of these people spoke neither English nor Japanese fluently.

 

Needless to say, I was less than thrilled at this arrangement. And I, uh, let them know it. I’m still not proud of how I conducted myself that day, but that conversation resulted in the arrangement of letting me go over scripts for future episodes again with the TLC people in a desperate attempt to salvage what little I could. I’m only still in contact with one of the individuals involved in that project, and I distinctly remember him being the one I enjoyed working with; he had a good head on his shoulders, and I’ve gladly worked with him on other projects since then.

 

So as you can see, there is such a thing as too many cooks in the kitchen; once you start getting to three or so people with decision-making authority on editorial work, a script starts to lose its identity. Whenever possible, I’ve liked to work directly with my editors. For instance, when I subbed Attack on Titan: The Final Season with DameDesuYo, myself, the editor, and the group leader would all sit down and watch each episode together before release to make sure we were all satisfied with it. The workflow on that project was much better than the nightmare I described above, so I rarely had anything to say, but I was glad to have the opportunity.

 

When I first recruited staff for Operation Bellflower, I was deliberately vague about what I wanted from an editor. Basically all I said was “DM me your application,” upon which I would send applicants the test I had prepared. I wanted to see what people would bring to the table of their own accord. Most people just gave me very short messages along the lines of “Hey, I’m interested, so send me the test.” A couple even mentioned existing projects they’d worked on.

 

Lonesome, though, was different. I’d seen him responding to my WAYR posts during my translation effort, and I knew he was interested in editing, but I certainly wasn’t expecting multiple paragraphs going into detail about his background and editing philosophy. Even over the course of the next week, while I was waiting for people to submit their tests, he filled my Discord DMs with questions about such things as the workflow, my style, and even my competence. He even asked to have the opportunity to look at the script before fully committing to the project, a request I happily granted. If it was the unreadable MTL mess people feared it was, he would not have considered it worth his time. I was testing him, but at the same time, he was testing me. I was impressed, to say the least.

 

This alone didn’t earn him the position, of course. Even if people hadn’t brought these topics up, I intended to have these discussions with the submitters of the best tests from the very beginning. But even then, Lonesome’s test submission was so much better than the rest that I couldn’t bring myself to care about furthering anyone else. And in case you were unaware, one of the editor applicants does this for a living. That’s how good Lonesome is at this, despite having no prior experience. On Reddit, our camaraderie is a bit of a spectacle at this point, what with how much we talk each other up, but personally, I’m very glad to have him. This is by far the best work relationship I’ve ever had with an editor. More often than not, once we finish going over a script file on a call, we’ll stay on the line for another hour or two shooting the shit about all kinds of things, ranging from what we’re reading to our daily lives, or—and this is by far the most common subject—translation theory. Several of these blog posts I’m writing originated from conversations I had with him.

 

Perhaps you disagree with my statement above regarding how many people ought to have editorial license over a translation. I’d certainly be interested in hearing your perspective. I’m still DubstepKazoo in all the usual places, so by all means, feel free to give me a shout. Next time, I want to talk about something everybody’s guilty of: dumb mistakes.